Red Flag or AIBU?

[Carter567]

Please help me understand if he is playing games.

I have recently started chatting with someone OLD, I am not a subscriber on the OLD website, so he went to the trouble of paying the premium so I can message him for free.

I was played before and as the saying goes, "once bitten, twice shy", I cannot afford to be played emotionally anymore and have managed to put a wall around this.

So, this is my dilemma - he will send to me a message and I will send one back after a few hours, however, he will wait for two or three days after reading the message to send one back. From what he has told me, he is divorced, lives alone and works from home etc. I also work mainly from home but have a part-time job, which is flexible.

My question is, am I being unreasonable to say that he is playing some sort of games? He draws me in and then ignores my messages for a couple of days and then write back. Once he has read my messages, he would disappear for a few days.

I was thinking of blocking him and not to continue any further dialogue. Do you think that I am over reacting? I am at a stage in my life that I don't need mind games.

Please help me understand.

Thank you so much

Ask him why he takes so long to reply.

Not overreacting at all in my opinion. Sounds like too much hard work already and him in too much control.

Sounds like he’s not all that interested but just using you as an option or like you said playing games and trying to get the upper hand.

I would block and move on, life is far too short for that crap.

If you really like him maybe send a message first asking what’s going on and why he is taking so long to reply after reading your messages but tbh I wouldn’t bother.

He’s not serious. Probably has many others he’s writing to and spinning along.

Stop investing anything in this. If you want to meet someone, pay for a dating service yourself and then you’re in control of who you contact.

Him paying for you is weird and immediately sets up a fake ‘specialness’, as if he is invested in you - but he really isn’t.

Red flag, move on.

It doesn't sound like a game, more that he isn't particularly bothered.

Thank you so much for the advice.

I am not even going to bother to write asking his reasons for taking too long to reply back. If one have to ask, then it's not meant to be.

Life is too short

He's not remotely into you. Probably chats to lots of other women aswell.
Personally I couldn't be arsed with that crap.
Move on

I used to like someone that was the same, he'd ignore my message for a few days then reply like it had been no time at all. I just stopped messaging him and instantly felt relief not to keep checking messages for a response etc. It drove me mad! Some people don't mind it but it was too hit and miss for me and it made me feel more desperate than I actually was.

I met my husband on old
Every time I wrote him a message, there was always one back the same day.
This was before we met and went on for 6 weeks before we met.

I’d bin him. He’s not worth the heartache you’ll end up giving yourself over him.

I met my husband on old
Every time I wrote him a message, there was always one back the same day.
This was before we met and went on for 6 weeks before we met.

I’d bin him. He’s not worth the heartache you’ll end up giving yourself over him.

@Ruddy, @Ponder and @Dowser, thank you!

I know that he is not remotely into me and to save myself the wasted energy, time and heartache, I have blocked him.

I realised that as a premium member, he must chat to loads of women. Just as well, it's so important to see the games early and just silently move away from the drama.

Mumsnet is the best forum for honest and unadulterated advice. I am so grateful, thank you once again!