I just need a rant

[Layla765]

Hi ladies. So yesterday I posted a thread for the first time about my "relationship"

Long story short. We've been together along time, have kids, been through alot and managed to get through....

Little things have been building up inside of me I didn't want to talk about it to him because it always turns into an argument. But last night it partly came out. He took huge offence. Twisted things made me feel I'm wrong and it's my fault for feeling the way I do.

I feel really lonely, and quite disrespected.

Sorry to hear that. I'm in a similar situation but am going to counselling myself so that I can let off steam there. For various reasons it's going to be a while before I can leave so I am trying to deal with my emotions in the healthiest way possible.

Rant away OP. Isn't it odd that it's all YOUR fault .

Thank you ladies.

Is councilling helping you? I've thought about it. It would be nice to have someone to talk to. I don't have anyone I mean that literally no family no friends just him....

Ha story of my life. I'm always in the wrong.

Why are you together at all now?. I can see what is in this for him but you?. What is in this for you still?.

You do not need him and nor do your children need to see such a poor role model. He needs you simply to boss about and otherwise order around. Twisting your words to make you out to be in the wrong all the time is infact abusive behaviour. He knows also that you have no-one in your life but what about friends?. Has he really managed to isolate you from them as well?.

Counselling on your own (and not with him under any circumstances)would be helpful to help you sort your thoughts properly.

What do you think your children are learning about relationships here, would you want this sort of relationship for them as well?. No you would not and its not good enough for you either.

Layla counselling is amazing. She is gently challenging me and making me see things from a different perspective. I would 100% recommend it

Your right. I'm not setting a good example for my kids especially my daughter.

He says he loves me I'm his life but talks of "our future plans" are all his plans I just happen to be there.... in all honesty I don't actually know why we are together anymore..... wow.

I didn't think of it as abusive behaviour I just accepted it after a lifetime of constantly being told I'm wrong or in the wrong.... It's affected everything. My confidence, my now non existent friendships, even my weight and moods....
Wow thank you. In that 1 comment you've really opened my eyes.

"I didn't think of it as abusive behaviour I just accepted it after a lifetime of constantly being told I'm wrong or in the wrong.... It's affected everything. My confidence, my now non existent friendships, even my weight and moods...."

You've been conditioned over the years to accept this from others. Presumably your parents told you you were wrong or in the wrong most of the time as well when you were growing up. They failed you abjectly as parents Layla if that is the case. They really messed with your head as well.

Its not you, its them. They've always wanted to put you down and now this man wants to do the same now. Words are cheap too; its actions that count and his actions towards you are about wanting power and control. And you're right; this is a rubbish example of a relationship to be showing your DD and DS for that matter also. She could well end up with someone like your partner is particularly if you remain within this relationship. Your son could well go onto copy his dad and do the same towards you and other women. They are not going to say thanks mum to you for staying with such an individual.

Layla

I would also read up on the "sunken costs fallacy" in relationships because you seem to be well and truly stuck on that and that will simply cause you to keep on making poor relationship decisions. A bad investment is not suddenly going to become good. If you no longer want to be with someone and don't see it getting better, you may want to trust that instinct. What you've put into that relationship in the past doesn't necessarily have to determine its future.

Whilst you're reading up about sunk cost, google 'The Human Magnet Syndrome' YouTube vids as well.

Again your right. Hence the no family on my side...
Oh my gosh. So maybe I am the problem and councilling would be the best thing for me... I have to work on me and my worth no?

I always agree to the things will get better but I do know I do deep down it'll never ever change. I do love this man as silly as that sounds. But I can't keep giving to something that gives nothing back.

I know what I have to do. I just don't know how to do it. Kids idolize him. They'll hate me.

"The Sunk Cost Fallacy. The Misconception: You make rational decisions based on the future value of objects, investments and experiences. The Truth: Your decisions are tainted by the emotional investments you accumulate, and the more you invest in something the harder it becomes to abandon it."
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