what was this about?

[Picklesandsausages]

Incident with DH tonight and he says I over reacted, I think he was being a dick.I'm not brave enough for aibu!

We have a rare free weekend so said we'd watch a film today and one tomorrow.

There was a suggestion of watching both today, but I hate them watching loads of tv as they go hyper afterwards and need to burn off energy and won't settle for bed.

Anyway film one ends. I nip off and come back and film 2 is on, but I think it's a trailer. He's waiting to seehow long until i twig. I get it, ask for it to be turned off... then I'm the bad guy. Kids don't understand it's a joke, he's still suggesting we watch it. It's already 5pm and it's over 2 hours long. So I'm saying no, he's saying it'll be fine, kids are desperately wanting it on despite one of them getting figity during the first one.

Film goes off, finally, but kids still pestering me. I try and point out how he puts me in position of bad guy, he disagrees and says he was giving me the opportunity to be spontaneous. This made me bloody cross so i said to put it on then, and he refused! He's deflected all discussion tonight. So I'm left feeling like I over reacted, but he wouldn't of turned it off unless I'd have said and then kids would've been a nightmare.

Sorry that's quite long!

Did you tell him you didn't want film 2, and your reasons?

lolz at "giving you the opportunity to be spontaneous!"

It wouldn't have bothered me at all and I would have left them to watch it.

I get the impression from your post that there is more to it though, and perhaps it isn't so simple?

Did you tell him your thinking, or not?

I meant, did you tell him beforehand?

I wouldnt have said anything and then just left him to do bed time and when he asks why you didn’t help when the kids were being a pain, just say well you let them watch the 2nd film despite knowing they wouldn’t settle at bed time.

Or make a rule of no screen time (of any sort) for the kids after tea time and put a family activity in place instead.

I reckon you ruined a movie for very little reason.

I think you turned it all into a really big deal when it didn’t need to be.

Their dad can make decisions too, and he can deal with any consequences. Next time, shrug and leave him to it.

I can see why his 'spontaneity' comment annoyed you, because it suggests he finds you a bit joyless.

But you were outvoted, they all wanted to watch the second movie and your reason for not watching it was a bit woolly.

You could've let them watch it and gone to do something else, you could've let them watch it on the condition it would go off if they started fidgeting, you could've suggested watching the first half today, you could've watched it and talked to your dp afterwards about not undermining you.

Instead, you did indeed make yourself the bad guy and spoil a nice family time for no obvious reason.

Bit pointless really. I would have let them watch it till they got bored which might not have been long anyway.

You made a massive deal over nothing and spoilt the evening for absolutely everyone. The spontaneity comment leads me to think you are probably like this a lot, so maybe look at that and see how you can be a bit more laid back and fun. So what if they go to bed a bit late on a weekend?! What's the problem?!

Why spoil everyone's evening???
I would have let them watch it there was no big deal, maybe give your husband a break and have a look in the mirror

He undermined you by going against what you thought you'd both previously agreed, and did it in front of the kids. Why didn't he 'spontaneously' suggest it while you were still in the room...?

Does he often do stuff like that?

Thanks for the responses, they are useful to think about.

In answer to some questions. Yes he certainly knew I didn't want to watch both and why.

I could have left it on, I didn't want the bed time hassle. If I'd have left bed time would have been awful which was my main concern. He can manage the kids but when they get really difficult he gets grumpy with them.... they do push it far and can be exasperating at the best of times. It wouldn't have been a little past bed time, we're talking about hours. I have let it go before and that has been the consequence.

Sometimes when i work evenings he does it. I come in around 10 and he tells me they wouldn't settle, were really difficult, he's had a bad night, all after he let them watch something before bed. It generally takes one of us sitting on the stairs until about 10, sometimes longer for them to go quiet and stay in their rooms at least.

By ‘one of us’, that can now mean ‘him’. His decisions, his consequences. Unless their safety is at risk, let it go.

I think the thing is you are micromanaging him like a child. He knew you were anti the second movie and why I would just let him deal with it

Because to be honest it sounds like he is the biggest issue with bedtimes

He's being a dick and always playing good op to your bad cop. That's unfair on everyone.

You have very good reasons and the best interest to your children for deciding on one film per day. One was already losing interest so wouldn't have lasted the second film. They would have been hyper and late to bed etc. Instead of your sensible idea of watching one film, enjoying it, getting a good sleep and then looking forward to another one on Sunday.

Yes your dh has every right to make decisions but when it's at (proven) detriment to the family then he doesn't.

My dh is constantly filling my kids up with sweets, fizzy drinks, chocolate, let's them have their screens for hours and I'm always bad cop too. I'm not. I like to treat and indulge my children too but I find I rarely give them anything sweet etc and I'm always the one saying that's enough iPad etc time. The reason he does this is simple. He's an spectacularly crap and lazy father and buys their love with it instead of playing with them and giving them his time and attention. When they're all plugged into their screens, they don't bother him.

Quartz, that is true. I don't want to micromanage him. I really don't.

But he is the biggest problem with bedtime! Me on my own and anyone baby sitting gets them to bed on time. It's so much harder when he's around as he's very exciting for them. They love it. But then they can't get up and get ready for school. So where do you draw the line of when to intervene???

They all wanted to watch 2 films, you didn’t. You were out voted.

Leave him to do bedtime every time he does this. You go to bed or out to visit a friend and come back at 11am. Leave him to get them up and ready for school too. However disruptive that is to the family - i.e. makes him late for work or the kids exhausted. Some people need to feel the consequences of their actions.

Meant 11pm

Op has said it happens everytime he's in charge of bedtime. So the consequences aren't teaching him anything!

Yes, he doesn't get consequences. If I leave him to do school run kids are often late on his days. This is getting better but he relies on me getting up and starting things like breakfast. If I don't, morning's are unpleasant and they are often late.