Learning to Trust Again

[flowergirl5]

Was with my soon be ex husband 20 years and split two years ago when he said he was no longer in love with me. Turns out he was seeing someone else who was one of my friends.

Recently started to see someone else but I worry so about everything and just think he'll hurt me as well.

How do you learn to trust someone with you've previously been hurt so badly by someone else. I'm really struggling.

Bump

I think you just have to put one foot in front of the other, enjoy it whilst it is good and walk away if there are any reasons to not trust any more.

Just try to take it slow and enjoy it. I'm so sorry op.

@flowergirl5

I'm in the exactly same situation. I'm very cynical now. I'm not so much cynical about men as such but about how committed humans are to each other? So boyfriends cheated on me, Husband cheated on me, friendships come and go, a work colleague was a complete asshole. I'm just not as surprised anymore about arseholery? DYKWIM? I'm almost meh about things?

Thank you all for the replies. I hate feeling this. When we're together I feel so happy and don't question a thing but the times in between I just worry and question everything. We both have children so most weeks we only see each other once a week.

It's like I look for the bad in everything. I just feel permanently down.

Have you looked at the curve to see where you are on it?

I'm thinking you might possibly be at the depression stage still? But I'm no expert.

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I think you have to learn to trust yourself.Trust that you will listen to your instincts, that you will act if your boundaries are crossed and importantly trust that you will survive if it happens.

Also practice gratitude, it teaches you to focus on the now and the good in your life.
If he breaks your trust will you still have good people and joy in your life? The answer should be a resounding Yes, if not build up the other areas in your life.

Also accept this might be a transition relationship, one to teach you about yourself.If you assume its forever then you may feel more disappointed if it has to end.

I look back on my marriage and believe my ex is disordered, he is likely to be a sociopath and I don't say that easily.
Once the shock has worn off I feel more equipped to deal with difficult characters.I am much more suspicious of people but I needed to be as I was too trusting/naive.I am now surrounding myself with genuine people who are teaching me to have firmer boundaries.

It will help me to model behaviours to my dc, especially my youngest who I see could go down the path I did as much too trusting.Look at the lesson in those experiences and try to see it as an experience you have learned from.

“Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all”

I tend to follow this mantra. I’ve been badly hurt 3 times in my life but you just have to try to keep going and trust again, even if there is a risk that you will be hurt again.