Mentally drained

[Tinkalilly]

Hi, iv never posted before,.
I've been with my husband 15 years, married 7, we have 6 children.
5 years ago my husband left me, totally out of the blue, it crushed my world and I completely fell apart. He said he was confused, wasn't sure if he loved me blah blah, I took him back 3 months later as he begged me to give him another chance and I loved him. We worked on things, but things have never been the same since that point. Basically to cut a long story short, after that time we have split up 3 times and got back together each time, each time, something has happened that he has lied about or gone behind my back and done something (nothing to do with anyone else). He has then bullied me into getting back with him, he is quite controlling and can be a big bully and generally nasty at times. The last time we split, I got with someone else, husband was awful, threats, bullying and all sorts. He said everything would change blah blah. I got back with him again. Since all that he has done something major, it's another total betrayal and I feel crushed.
We have been through so much, mostly bad admittedly, I know if we split, that's it forever no going back, as its happened way to often n hasn't been fair on the kids.
But if I stay I feel like I will have to accept this forever.
I love him, but after everything I'm soo emotionally drained. I'm anxious and on edge all the time.
He is being super nice now and I don't know if I can face hurting him, although it seems that's all he has do exactly to me.
Sorry for the very long post.

Hi. I'm new here too and can relate to your post.

I feel you know Its over. You can't and shouldn't accept this is it for the rest of your life.
This may sound harsh and I apologise for it I'm only saying it because it's how I've felt lately.... loving him isn't enough. There's no trust. He's betrayed more than once. It's time. You've given all you can. You've got to put yourself first now. X

Life is too short to waste on bad men and bad wine.
There is hurt on both sides whether you can book counselling and find the energy to move forward together is your choice.... starting again is also tiring. You need time out to think, reflect and decide

You have a choice. You’ve proved you can manage and move on when you’ve split before.

More fool you for continuing to accept his shit.

Thank you, your both right. Loving him isn't enough., I don't trust him, like I said this isn't about the opposite sex, more about things and decisions in our lives. I just don't know if I have the strength and energy to go through with it.

Haha Amen to that!!

Have you tried counselling?
Do you have and fight even if it's just slight left to try?
Have a few nights jusy the 2 of you if possible? Talk things out?

Starting again on your own may be tiring maybe scary but you could find yourself your true self .....

Honestly I can't go down the councling route, I'd be to scared if any thing else ie lies came out.
Joy's mum you are might more fool me!!!

That may have been a little harsh.
I think we can all be guilty for "putting up with shit" longer than we should.
Especially when it's been a long relationship with children involved. We're all here for advice not judgement.

Although she's right you do have a choice. You have done it before you can do it again. You should do it again. Time to put yourself first now. X

It’s harsh because sometimes a dies of reality is needed.

Stark truth is that you’ve every right and reason to end things for ever, if you don’t then that’s your choice to waste your life on him. Surely you deserve better? I hope to come to your senses sooner rather than later.

Most of us who have been in terrible relationships would lament we stayed for longer than we should of in retrospect.

You KNOW him, but I can't see how you can really LOVE him after the way he has behaved. People often confuse the two, IHMO.
You could stay with him, and be perfect Jeremy Kyle fodder, or wake up and put the rubbish in the bin, where it should be. He's being a typical dog in the manger - he doesn't want you, but won't let anyone else have you either.

Thank you ladies, I really appreciate all your advice.
Maybe I am confusing the two, y do the I know? I should know.
I feel like while he is being nice I should roll with it, to keep our family together. I know thats wrong tho.