Scared about leaving

[Donkeymonkey]

I have decided after 10 yrs of marriage I need to leave my abusive husband as I can’t take living like this any longer, I have been emailing woman’s aid and have been given some great advice but I can not ring and speak in person until I have left and am out of the town we live in, the problem I have is I have 5 children and have been told it May be hard to get refuge space although I am willing to go anywhere that can take us, I worried I will leave Monday morning (this is the only day I can get away)get a train out of here to be told there is no space anywhere or their is space but I can’t afford to get there, I have managed to save £200 over the last 4 months any will only have a ruck sack with a change of clothes each and some paperwork, I’m not sure what the purpose of this post is, guess I just need to do it and deal with whatever happens, the unknown is just so scary.

Bumping for you

Can't imagine what you're going through. I hope you have someone to talk to

Is there anyone you can call in RL? Family or friends? Even if they aren't in a position to help you it's always good to know that someone knows.

Keep stashing money. Try to have the bags already packed. If you can't actually pack them, try to put the clothing you'd take in one drawer so it'l be easy to 'grab and go'. Try to take birth certificates and other important documents. If you can't take them, try to make photos on your phone.

If you are planning to present as homeless to the council because you are fleeing domestic violence it is their responsibility to find you accommodation although what kind is down to them, so it wouldnt necessarily be a refuge if there are no spaces but maybe temporary accommodation. If its out of area I would guess they would also arrange transport.

Thank you for your reply’s, I have no friends, my live revolves around school runs, cleaning the house and Docters appointments, the only time he isn’t with me is for the morning school run as he stays in bed, so I’m planning on taking the kids on the train in the morning a couple of stops then ringing Women’s aid to see if there’s any space anywhere, if not my sister said last night we can travel up to her (about 5 hours) and sleep in her lounge for the night then go to her council in the morning, I’m hoping as it’s not forecast rain today that he’ll go out on his moterbike for a few hours (he hasn’t left the house in over a week) then I can pack a bag without having to sneak about the house, I feel a weird sense of relief today, just need to keep things carm for one more day so he doesn’t get angry and hide my phone or purse again (he does this so I won’t leave)

Donkeymonkey, if there is no space in refuge Womens Aid will help you present as homeless at the council offices. With children and especially five the council will have to provide you with emergency accommodation. Ensure that you make it clear to the council if it reaches that situation that you are applying on domestic violence grounds.

The emergency housing might not be brilliant and it might be something like a B and B but this is just the first step to you starting your new life and getting a safe place you can call your own.

Hugs to you op - I really hope everything goes well for you today.
Stay strong - you can do this!

There are no words. I can feel your fear and despair in your words.

I wanted to say how much I hope you get away and stay away with support.

Please keep us posted. I know what you are going through to a great degree. I am thinking of you and willing you on.

Good luck OP I hope you get away safely and get help ASAP, glad you've got your sister to go to for the night that's something! Definitely take pics and I think some banks...I know Natwest do it let you have money from a cash machine without your card think you have to ring them and they send you a number and a pin to use at nearest cash machine.

Good luck and a massive hug

Fucking hell....turn to your friends for money ..I'd help you if you were my friend...can the school help ,a relative you could go to ?

Try to get copies of the birth certificates ...bank accounts ....you are entitled to half of everything..although I've no idea how you would get it ,if your leaving.

Feeling afraid is completely understandable, what strength you have to do this

You can do this. You can.

I'm glad you have your sister to lean on even if she doesn't live close.

I know it would be harder, but would it be better just to go to her? That 5 hours distance from him may not be a bad thing, once the dust has settled.

How are you OP?

Well done on getting in contact with Womens Aid.
Have they suggested you contact Shelter?
Could you call them while on the school run?
I know Womens Aid number doesn't appear on any bills but I'm unsure about Shelter.

Sorry I haven’t replied sooner we have been on trains all day, we managed to get out and have just arrived at my sisters, been trying to get through to Women’s aid all day but can’t so will try again tonight when kids are sleeping

Well done!!!

Well done OP.
So glad you got away.
I hope your sister a good source of support for you all.
Keep trying Womens Aid and also Shelter might be worth a try now you are away.
Keep going.
Keep strong.
Keep him blocked for the time being to get some headspace.

Stay strong OP you are doing the right thing xxx

Well done op! It gets better I promise

Oh well done you brave lady!!!! Everything is going to be alright!! Keep strong. You are an inspiration!

Oh that's wonderful! I hope you're settled in with your sister.

Amidst all the necessary phone calls and such, be sure you give yourself a moment to just breathe and to feel that peace that comes with being away from an abuser. It's a wonderful feeling.