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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Do you have trouble getting DH to do stuff with you?

6 replies

Tipsntoes · 27/01/2018 12:16

After years of daily drudge and financial hardship we're now in a fairly comfortable position, both working full-time in decent jobs, no childcare cost anymore, good worklife balance, children generally take care of themselves. We have the time and money to do things together.

DH is lovely, has always done his bit at home and with DC, gives a fair bit of time to a voluntary organisation, has always worked hard and always treated everything we have as ours. Not at all controlling, I get my own way over most things.

My only niggle is that we never "do" anything. We'd never go on holiday unless I organise it, we'd never go out with friends unless they're my friends and I (or they) organise it. If I suggest a day out he's usually up for it, but the slightest thing will result in it being cancelled e.g. we had planned to go out last Sunday but he decided the gutters needed clearing. Which they did and it's not like he laid on the sofa instead.

It just feels like such hard work to have any fun.

OP posts:
Cambionome · 27/01/2018 12:20

Have you explained to him exactly how you feel about this?
Sounds quite sad, actually, after all your years of hard work.

Worldsworstcook · 27/01/2018 12:25

So what you arrange things? The fact is he is happy to go along with whatever you arrange or suggest. The amount of partners who refuse or make such a song and dance about activities that any fun is removed before the day begins is significant.

BackInTheRoom · 28/01/2018 13:50

This problem crops up on threads every few weeks tbh. I'd just be resigned to he ain't gonna do anything! Don't sweat it! Keep organising and him trailing. Sad but unless he has an epiphany, nothing will change. Hmm

LemonSqueezy0 · 28/01/2018 17:44

No we take time to make sure we do stuff together. My DP was married previously and one of the reasons they split was they didn't really do anything together, almost like they didn't like each other much.

We really enjoy each others company and take it in turns to arrange things, so there's always something to look forward to - we like the Facebook pages of alot of local places, and sign up to newsletters so we always have fresh ideas and offers. Also we always chat at night as we get ready for bed about the next day, what we've got on at work, what we're having for dinner, where we are going etc and so the same for the weekend so we know Saturday might be more life admin stuff as we're going to an event Sunday etc. The communication is key.. Hopefully this might help you?
Don't be afraid to make plans with other people though, if he doesn't respond well to your efforts...

Mulch · 28/01/2018 17:47

Could you maybe ask him to organise something he would really like? My oh sadly does not share my love of hiking so I save that for my friends

PersonAtHome · 28/01/2018 17:51

Not sure how much help I can be but just wanted to say hi and offer solidarity as it's similar here. Though for different reasons. My DH works in a creative job that takes over lots of evenings and weekends. He's been too busy to talk to me for the last few weeks and I have two more weeks of this to go before he can take a break.

I find it very difficult and it makes me sad and lonely.

Have you tried talking to your DH about this and if so, what did he say? Does he know how important it is to you?

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