I’ve decided DH and I need to split. Have been thinking about it for a while- there are no affairs and no arguments, and from the outside we seem perfectly happy, but we have just grown apart and there is no love or spark anymore. More like flatmates, and don’t fancy each other. Married for 6 years together for 15 (since we were 19), no kids.
He’s been away on a work trip for a week, we agreed to have NC while he was gone. Haven’t missed him even once, have really enjoyed doing my own thing and it’s just confirmed that I don’t want to be in a relationship anymore.
We have talked about this all for months but he is very passive and promises things will change and they never do, then it’s always me who has to bring it up again. Sick of always having the same conversation and it always being me who brings it up.
He suggested “maybe counselling” but I don’t think I’m in the frame of mind for it to work, I don’t want it to enough. So when he gets back this evening I’m telling him we have to separate, at least for long enough to see if any feelings change, but in my heart I think for good.
We have both been speaking to friends and mine have all been wonderful, I was feeling guilty for it affecting them but they’ve all said while they like him it’s me who is important and they just want me to be happy and will support me all the way.
One friend admitted that when my dad died last year she didn’t think he was there for me enough, said she wanted to speak to him about it at the time but her DH told her to butt out so she never said anything, but thinks he really let me down. I said that subconsciously I felt the same way but I just didn’t have the mental capacity to face those feelings last year when I was going through it, but I think if I’m honest that was the beginning of when I started to fall out of love with him. I’m not a damsel and I don’t need looking after 24/7 I would feel smothered, but he didn’t even really try and I think I’ve secretly resented him for it a bit ever since. It’s the first time in our relationship that we’ve experienced a death or something really emotionally stressful, and he didn’t step up.
I feel sad generally that it might end, and he isn’t a bad person- I care about him a lot because he’s been in my life my entire adult life, but I just need to be on my own. I know this is the right thing to do, I am just feeling awful about actually pulling the trigger.
Hand hold please! And sorry for the rant.