Stuck.

[Dannimum]

So I’ve posted a thread perevously and I’ve also found My husband had his own thred too.

So background. 3 kids together 7 year. Married 2. I’m on anti ds ( well actually weaning off them now yay! ) prepping for uni start in September. My mum is also terminal with Breast cancer which has spread to bones.

So the main issue for him was sex and intimacy. For me it was his anger and depression.

He stated he doesn’t get any, truth is he does, 1 week at least. If he doesn’t I help. He kicked off and posted on here he doesn’t get it 4 DAYS after we last had sex. Because I said no. He kicked of, throwing a temper tantrum shouting the works.
Many people posted sound advice. And thank you for that. He took some on board and we came to an agreement. I would go to gp ect.

Now. I am at my last straw. He’s been away for 5 days. And guess what?! So he was happy to do that plan. I went to cuddle and he wouldn’t. Time passed, then he came up with. Well if I don’t get what I want I’m not cuddling, I’m not meeting half way. Called my a self centred prick, I don’t listen to him, the thing is all I ever do is listen with no opportunity of replying, I listen to his achievements and praise him ect. If we talk, and I don’t agree with that subject, I say let’s agree to disagree then. He then says that nothing he says is right ect.
I just sick to death of this now. I don’t show any emotion to him when he shouts and screams at me ( apparently as o don’t listen, yet I can repeat what he’s said!, and spent 3 hours on the phone yesterday trying to make him feel better.)I just say ok. Yup. If I’m that horrible of a person then leave.. just try not a rise to these insults, I’m the reason he’s depressed apparently. Says he’s not gonna give me money and more pay the electric ect. It’s horrible.
Now he’s gonna cancel the family trip, with my mum included.

I know I’m healthy, mentally I am fine and strong. I couldn’t be doing what I am doing now if not.
I’ve been to people before about him and been fobbed of. I can’t leave as I’ve nowhere to go, I’ve asked for counciling too many times to count over the year we had 6 sessions booked, he didn’t want to do it so cancelled.

I’m actually stuck. I’ve tried everything.
What would you do?

You sound very confused love, what do you want x

I ideally want him to stop and sort himself out, but I know deep down it isn’t gonna happen. So, leaving is my only choice, however, I’ve have nowhere to go.

He’s cancelling a trip to let you see your terminally ill mum? For this alone, dump the prick.

You’ll be so much happier in the long run leaving this complete arsehole - no wonder you’ve needed anti depressants!

He’s going to cancel a trip with your dying mother
If you let him go ahead and do that, you will lose time with your mother who has cancer

Just stop and think about that. He gives zero fucks about you and your dying mother

He's horrible. Go talk to a solicitor, not a counsellor.

Honestly? I'd have left ages ago. Life's too short to be this unhappy!

It’s easy to say just leave. But it’s so difficult to do so.
I just don’t understand it. Now he saying he we are still going.
We’ve written up a contract style thing.

Just can any one explain why so much anger? I mean he’s has to have his release 4 times at day. Now his come down all angry, 30mins after everything was ok.
Naturally I’m like what’s wrong? What’s happened. He cannot get his release. His words ‘It’s my fault and I can not expect him not to be angry.l and I should of left him alone. I haven’t had my dick wet in this long. What do I expect. Now he’s upstairs talking to himself..

I mean what the...?

He's an abuser, Dann.

Believe it or not it's got nothing to do with sex, all to do with controlling you.

You need to leave him (asap). Call your local Women's Aid - they will help and support you all the way.

DO NOT tell him you are contacting Women's Aid. DO NOT tell him of your plans.

Definitely don't have counselling with him! He has no intention of changing, he wants you to serve him and ignore your own needs and opinions.

Read Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft - don't let him see you reading it! It's vitally important you DO NOT let him know what you are doing or planning.

You can, and must, get out. It can be done with the support of Women's Aid.

Nobody can explain his anger, OP. You know him, we don't. Instead of focusing so much energy on trying to figure him out, put that energy into working out what you want and focusing on the time you have left with your mum.

Ultimately, only you can change this situation by leaving. There's nothing anyone else can do or say until you're ready.