Do you ever meet someone and it's just straightforward?

[namechange987]

I'm back dating again after a year of being single. And while it's fun I feel I'm getting caught up in the teenage petulance of "what is he thinking?" "What's going on?" Is it possible to just meet someone and it be straight forward, with no messing about? And if there are those questions, does that mean that it's not going to work?

Yes, I’m on my mid 40s and met someone 2 years ago. He rings when he says he will, text me back all the time, if we have a difference of opinion we sit and talk about it like adults . It’s simply very easy. We laugh lots, he cares about my two dc and pitches in all the time (they adore him). He’s up front and honest about his past, and his past is his past. Has nothing to do with ex partners and if a female is interested in him, he cuts them short and makes it’s clear he’s with someone. It’s taken me 2 marriages and 40 odd years to find it. But it is out there, and it’s also made me realise why it’s never worked before.

As for red flags, I’d simply say, trust your gut, and if it’s too much hard work and you have to chase then you probably need to think about it it’s worth it

Yes, when I met my DH it was all very easy. He asked me out, we texted regularly, he always replied to my messages promptly, I never felt as though I couldn't ask him if he fancied meeting up (he always did!). He was excited to meet my friends and family and made an effort to get on with them, called me everyday when he went away on a pre booked holiday with a friend.

I knew pretty early on that this was likely to be a runner! We've never had any dramas at all in our relationship and I've never doubted that he loves me. It does happen!

Yes. When I met my dp it was like this. No mind games. But I think I kind of took the lead slightly as I was fed up. I told him how I felt about him and asked if he felt the same because I didn't want to waste my time if not. Direct but it worked for us!

Yes, it does happen. But both of you have to be blunt, direct and 100% into it. If he's taking days to reply, being vague and cancelling things then it's an early red flag.

This is inspirational - thank you!

Yes, I had this with my current DP. We have only been together 2 years (I was 21 when we met) but it's still going well.
He immediately got straight to the point, asked me out on a date and since then it has been so easy. No game playing, no over analysing, no insecurities. I didn't care if he took a few hours to reply to texts, he didn't care if I did. We didn't care about putting ourselves out there because we were secure and comfortable. We didn't try to "up" one another as we mutually respected each other. I actually miss those easy early days...! There was no messing around with other people, we decided we wanted each other and invested from them on.

You can definitely find it, good luck. If someone messes you around, is hard work or makes you feel insecure then they are not the person for you.

At the early stages I don't think you should be having those sort of thoughts. If it's right then you will know, as cheesy as it sounds. I hate the game playing, "he took 3 hours to text me back, so I'll take 4." You be how you want to be and find someone who fits in with you. If you are 100% secure there will be no need for those thoughts.

Yes - with my now DH. I was 18 months out of my first marriage and had just got the divorce all through. We met online - it was just so... effortless I guess is the word.

I had an awful social situation with a horrific ExH, a 2 and half year old and my now DH could have run a mile at any point but he didn't. It was one of those situations where you feel like you have know someone for years but in reality it's days/weeks. We clicked - they was no game playing, no "will he won't he" text etc. We both just knew.

Good luck OP!

When DH and I got together it was incredibly simple, despite some complex circumstances. I knew he liked me, he knew I liked him, nobody worried about playing games or playing it cool or double texting or whatever. It was easy and straightforward and secure because it was right. We both knew instantly that we'd found the right person and that totally removed any need for messing around or wasting time.

Yes that was one thing that really struck me when I met DH. It was just ridiculously easy. We were both open with each other from the start, and knew where we both stood. It still is 15 years later.

Yes! Like a PP it was very straightforward when I met my DH. He immediately said that he hates game playing. If he didn't ring when he said he would (we met before mobile phones!) then it would be because he couldn't, not for any oneupmanship reason. I absolutely thought that was great. The relationship has been straightforward since then. It's perfect for us, especially as I'm of the same mindset.

Yes - ridiculously easy.
I never doubted his feelings, we saw each other very regular despite distance and work.
It was and is great fun and totally straightforwardly we can talk about anything even the tough stuff.

Absolutely. With my DP, everything was as it should be. So easy and so fun.

Yep - met DH at 33, still together after 25 years - always straightforward, have never doubted my or his feelings - we talk to each other - that is the main difference.

If I want to know what he's thinking, or what his views of the future are I ask. Bluntly. That comes with age I think.

If it is hard work now, is it worth it?

Yep! DP was dependable, romantic and has proved to be a fantastic father and partner. I’m incredibly lucky.

Hi this is so interesting. I'm in a blended family on my second relationship and he has a daughter from his first marriage which causes most of the arguments frequently as he's so overprotective. He constantly takes sides and has really bad double standards. When it's just the two of us it's great and most of the time with the kids it's good except When they fight. He immediately blames my daughter and always says she's the cause. He actually is causing major sibling rivalry and after 5 years I'm totally sick of it.... help!

Was thoroughly fed up of the whole thing too OP. Got out there, gave some real no-hopers more of a chance than they deserved, hated every second and felt v v depressed about whole scene. Met a boy in Paris on a job we both hated and knew in ten minutes, so did he. Mutually keen to see each other, daily comms, no games, no jealousy (problem for me in the past post-cheating bf), shared values, lots of laughter, married him last year. Well done for getting out there - if I had one piece of advice it would be don't waste time if your instinct says it's wrong and definitely don't settle, spend it having fun while you wait!

Absolutely! DP is my 3rd long term/serious relationship. Fist was 17 years and utterly toxic with the benefit of hindsight, 2nd was 6 years and resulted in my DS8. I'd genuinely given up then met DP on a sex site, it was all I was looking for at the time, as was he. We met F2F for lunch and I knew by the time I'd finished eating that I'd be with him but kept that to myself...he said same about 3 weeks later. It's just, easy...no drama, no games, just open-ness honest trust and respect. We both have/had external challenges but we're strong and can deal with it all without it reflecting on us.

DS and him are great together (DP is a musical so they're regular out in the studio making a lot of noise lol)...together 3 years come May, we get married in May this year too x

I started dating a man I met online 4 months ago and it's like this with him. There are no games, no second guessing him, he meets me when he says he and answers texts as he should. He is straight up about his feelings for me and doesn't hide them. It's still early days but I feel that at 41 I've finally met a gem!

TJ I feel like that with this relationship. I've only known him 4 months but it's just so effortless and like I've always known him. I'm in no rush though to even consider moving in together but I'd like to think we would be together for a long time.

L1lyb3lle, go over to step parents thread as you can get support. However ime you have a partner issue not a parenting issue.

The blaming and not talking it through with you as a team is how he deals with conflict.I, like you, assumed it was just sensitivity to parenting (over protective which would improve) as other times he was great.However over years and once we were committed his approach to all conflict became the same, blaming and hostile.

If you are sick of it, why stay? I really, really wished I had bailed, despite the good times.
I wasn't being unreasonable (but doubted myself).
How he reacts to your child will be how he treats you eventually.It's a big red flag and I wished I had known that before committing to him.

name change - are you talking about OLD or just in general ?

Thank you everyone for your replies. The weird thing is that it's not hard work it's just me talking myself in to there being a problem I think. We met on OLD, were messaging every all day every day for a while, we met last week and we had a great time, lots of chemistry, we slept together which was also great. We both said we'd like to go out again. We chatted afterwards. But the next day he had to go away with work. He was dreading it because of how busy and tiring it would be. He has sent a message every day, but no chatting like we were before. It could just be down to him being busy working, or, as my mind is choosing to tell itself, it's because he's no longer interested. I just don't like being in the position of questioning myself. I know it's only been one date, and with that in mind, I could just move on easily enough. But that's sort of the problem, I don't know if I should be or not? I feel like a bloody teenager! This is the first time I've ever "dated" as I met my husband young and we sort of skipped dating and went straight in to a relationship. I know I'm massively over thinking it all, I just can't chill out about it. I wish I could.

Yes op, when I met my boyfriend there was no bullshit or games whatsoever. He rang when he said he would, and would have arranged to see me again before I left. If he hadn't already done it he would ask as I was walking out the door. He is amazing. He didn't hold back on his feelings either. Couple of months in he told me it felt amazing and I said the same to him. We were like love sick teenagers, crying when I look back.

There are some lovely men out there and some of them will be wondering where a lovely girl like you is.

Don't lose hope

When I met dp it was easy. I had been in an ltr with the dcs dad and then had a really traumatic year of complications with another guy who I thought I had fallen in love with.

When I met dp we had a great first date on a a Friday night, inc sleeping together. I went over to his on the Tues night and saw him that evening then he went away to Dubai for work. He rang me every night and then one night I got a message from him on POF, where we had met. I saw "the you have a message from X" pop up on my phone and was immediately suspicious that he had accidentally sent me a message meant for someone else. In fact he had dropped his phone down the loo and had no other way of contacting me and didn't want me to think he wasn't keeping in touch. We deleted our POF profiles soon after! Together for almost 3 years now and generally as happy as I think we can be.

Yes. After years of being messed around by men and being a single mum, I met my partner and very nearly pushed him away as he was just so nice and genuine and everything was right for once. He wanted to see me regularly, wanted to meet my family, was good with my kids etc. He seemed too good to be true, but no he was just right for me.