To give up or keep trying to make it work

[Mrsdarcyiwish10]

Been with dh for 10yrs plus, have posted about this before but it has got worse.
Brief history, his hobbies take up a lot of his time in and out of the home, more so last few years. He keeps bailing on plans with me and DC to do his hobbies.
The DC and I are feeling like an afterthought and my heart breaks for them.
I have mh issues but work hard to not let that affect family life too much.
Do I give up or live like a bed and breakfast for him with no dates out or time for us, or call time and lose my kids half the time? There's no abuse or anything so it seems a rubbish reason to leave a marriage of 10 yrs.
Any thoughts ladies?

When you've talked to him about it, what has he said?

We have talked previously but he just huffs and doesn't listen, he says I should talk anyway but what's the point if he's not listening! Gave him 1 last change to change 6 months ago but after a couple of weeks as Disney dad just slid back to how it was, eg totally ignoring 10 yr anniversary, won't miss even one hobby date to go to cinema with me, won't take DC out anywhere and when I can't go due to mh issues make me feel really guilty, shouting and meanness to DC.

That's not good. Unless he's willing to acknowledge there's a problem and do something to change, nothing can change and you'll be stuck with this soul-destroying situation. Breaking up isn't easy but it sounds like it's rapidly becoming the only option.

Sounds like he has checked out of family life..
If you split is he likely to actually have a relationship with the dc or just not bother at all?
Have you considered ow?
Have you thought about the financial implications of divorce? Would you have support from family if your mh was affected for a while during the break up?
Sounds no life at all and that's not right op.

I’ve been in this same situation, his ‘hobby’ totally took over his life and I became so low down in his priorities (along with the children) that I didn’t see the point of staying together.
I didn’t address it when I should have done and the situation escalated and resulted in a lot of heartache.
I’m not for a second saying your H will do the same as mine did, but I urge you to put yourself first and leave him to his hobby. As a pp said, it’s no life at all

Well you didn't give him 1 last chance.
Because he's doing it again.
I think he'll have to spend more time with the kids if you separate.
As a PP has said. What does separation look like?
Would you be financially OK?
Will family and friends support you?
This isn't a rehearsal. You get one shot.
Do you want the next 10 years to be the same as the last?
If not, then only YOU can change that!

Think it sounds irretrievable to be honest and think your self esteem and confidence and would improve if you separated and didn’t feel completely overlooked and ignored by your husband, would no doubt have a beneficial impact on DC too who must feel the same

If you split up you seem to think he will cut back on the hobbies so he can have them 50% of the time. Surely that's a win? OK so you spend less time with them but they get their dad back giving them attention and care for the 50% of the time they are not with you.

Do you really think he would drop the hobbies to take on 50% of the childcare post split? That would be a hell of a change.

Myddog. I would struggle with my mh to be Honest which is why I have dragged my feet for so long. I also don't want to be a doormat forever.

Financially I would have to get a job as have been a sham for the last 10 yrs, the thought scares me to death.

Rainbowlou. I'm sorry you have been through this, are you happier now?

Unfortunately I have no family, all deceased, just me and the DC.

Well- you won't only see the children 50% will you? He's made it quite clear what his priorities are, and he will continue in the same vein.

What a selfish prick he is. Why do these men even have kids if they're "too busy" to look after them?!

Being disrespected like this is not going to help your mental health, and although the thought of getting a job may be scary, I bet in the long run it will do you a lot of good.

I think maybe you should tell him you've had enough and want a divorce, you're not his staff, you wanted a marriage and he can't offer that to you anymore, so you're done. I'm guessing that he just doesn't believe you will leave, he's taking you for granted. Maybe then things will change, maybe not, but I think you should mean it when you tell him it's over. If he values the marriage, he will do everything he can to change and win you back.

Mrsdarcy we are still together..just!

He ended up giving up his hobby and everyone else involved to keep us all together but it’s hard to forget what he put us through.
Feel free to pm me if you need to chat x

Thank you for all the good advice ladies, I think there is a talk looming for this weekend, just have to out in my big girl pants.

Thank you rainbowlou I will pm you.

Put on my big girl pants, damn autocorrect