So I'll ask you lot because why not ?

[FuckItPassMeTheWine]

Hi 👋🏼 I often read mumsnet but have never posted before. You all seem lovely so I thought I'd ask the mumsnet massive some advice on when you personally think it's about the right time to move in with DP.

To add some context , my partner and I are both 25 , been together just over 7 months , no children on the way although we have said we both want them one day (in a few years) , we have been on holiday twice together , met each others parents and spend weekends together and one night in the week. I have a flat and he lives with his mother and stepbrother so on the evenings we see one another , we will usually go on a date then he will sleep over at mine.

Appreciate that every relationship is different with all of their unique variables but some rational opinions would be really appreciated.

Way too soon. You barely know each other. See each season twice is the advice I didn't take myself and have now given to my kids. It's good advice.

Better take things too slowly than rush in. Enjoy dating and really assess if they fulfill your needs before committing to anything more. There is no rush, you're very young.

His family have a farm. I don’t see the practical aspect of him moving to have a daily commute to this family/financial commitment. Has he said he wants to get away from farming? If not, then imho, the farm will become a question of your participation there-would you want to ultimately be a farmer’s wife? (I know that is presuming a lot but still may be worth considering before you become too enmeshed.)

Still living at home...has he ever lived away from home? If not, my guess would be that he may have expectations of continuity from what his mum does to what you would do. As pp have said, having a plan B ready and available would be important to step away from such a dynamic.

I would wait a year- get through all the seasons and the associated farm responsibility aspect of what his life entails.

Two years- yes, even better, wantmorenow.

Well... DH and I moved in together after 4 months (for various reasons) and luckily it worked out as we’re married and still happy 10 years later! In hindsight it was a risk though. We rented initially then moved abroad together.
I don’t think anyone can give a definitive answer... it’s what works for you.

I think if you want to live together, rent first. I wouldn't look to be buying a house with anyone that soon. I know too many people who've screwed themselves over financially buying a house together early in a relationship when they weren't really sure what the future held. Living toegther as a couple is totally different from dating. I would try that out for a year or two first before you decide what your next steps are.

But I don't think 7 months is too soon. I've certainly moved in with exes sooner than that (granted, they are exes so it's debatable how wise that was). My dh and I didn't officially move in together until we'd been together for nearly 3 years. But that's because we met working overseas (in a country where it would have been difficult to live together unmarried) and then when we moved home, we had to be long distance (we lived in different countries) until we could sort out our immigration issues and live together. That took some time and we officially moved in together about 4 months before we got married. I think we would have loved to move in together after more like 8-12 months, but obviously our relationship was quite serious from early on. There's no reason not to bring it up though, especially as you have a bit of distance to travel to see each other now.

I know others will think this is ridiculous, but I think the first two years are the honeymoon period.

But I moved in with now-DH after 6 months, so do as I say, not as I do....

Meant to say... I don’t regret moving in together that soon at all, it was right for us.
On the other hand I was with my previous partner for 8 years before moving in together, then we broke up a month later . That was stressful.

I don't think there are any hard and fast rules about the timings of these things, every couple and relationship is different. My SIL was with her partner for over 25 years before they got engaged, I married her brother within a year of meeting him. However the fact you are asking for other people's opinions suggests you are hesitant about this move. If you do have a nagging doubt that this might be too soon I would listen to that instinct. You are both young so there is no rush.

At your age I would wait a year/18mths - that doesn’t mean you can’t start talking about it though. Have you had conversations about marriage, babies, family values. Does he work on the farm? Will you be expected to be a farm wife?
Why don’t you plan a holiday for the summer and if that goes well think about moving in?

Just wanted to say thank you all so much for your responses and taking the time to post . 18 months sounds like a nice & reasonable bench mark also I think I'll wait for him to actually start talking dates .

We have our third holiday booked for the summer

For those asking about the farmers wife aspect , he said he'd ultimately want to move out at some point but live close enough to help out and essentially work there in the day , his brother plans to live at the farm and my DP would essentially live close enough to travel to do the day's work and come away from it. That's the theory

Have a lovely weekend all