How often do you have sex

[Somersetguy53]

I have been married for 30 years and have an amazing wife and five beautiful children the youngest is now 11 years old ! Our sex life was great up until about 6 years ago when she just kinda stopped wanting closeness and intimacy ? So we have gone from being very close and intimate and making love 3 to 5 times a week to nothing at all . I try my best to be romantic and help out at home and time for just the 2 of us together but we barely even kiss or cuddle even I'm a very physical person and it is very upsetting to feel like you are just not wanted or desired anymore

We didn't have 5 kids in 5 years ! Eldest is29 next is 24 next is18 next is14 and youngest is 11! Eldest 2 have left home . I do pretty much everything at home as she works full time and so do I .And I really would not wanna be married to some of those people commenting on this ? I just miss my wife that's all!

I’m guessing menopause. I’m afraid that can be such a problem with sex/emotions OP, it should not be understated.

Speak to your wife to discuss how she feels, she could be having some issues too.

I don't think anyone on here can help you OP, there could be a multitude of reasons why. You need to speak to her and find out. Good luck!

Twice a month

If your eldest is 29, it’s something st certainly menopause related? But just talk, OP. That’s really all you can do. Tell her you miss her. 6 years is a long time with no sex at all, and no communication about it - are you exaggerating a little about a complete drought? Or is there a reason you don’t discuss it?

Talk to her OP.

Some people are very quick to say leave or he/she's having an affair - gets quite boring to be honest.

You know your wife better than anyone here. Speak to her. Ask her if everything is ok. As everyone above says it's highly likely that it's the menopause.

I agree menopause/perimenopause (the years immediately before menopause) and hormonal changes are probably a key issue. Many women experience a loss if libido/interest in sex around that point. In a way it makes sense that the desire for sex might drop when the ability to reproduce ends - the hormonal cycle and surges that make you want it just aren't present in the same way anymore. But it is worth speaking with her about it to explore whether she too is bothered by it, to share how it is bothering you and to see if you can find a way forward.

When my mum was menopausal (a few years before and a few years after) she suffered quite badly. Insomnia, migraines, extremely heavy irregular periods, hot flushes that would make her feel nauseas, thinning hair, vaginal dryness, exhaustion, depression and zero libido. She took HRT and it helped get her back to her old self again although her libido has still never really come back. It’s not like that for all women and some sail through menopause, but definitely speak to her to see if she’s suffering with certain symptoms

You can't all come along and just blame The Menopause.
Yes, some women's sex drive disappears but many others don't have this issue and feel liberated with no periods, kids left home, no financial worries etc in their 50s.

The main reason connected to the menopause is pain with dry vaginas = sore sex. Many women don't see their GPs about this and suffer.

OP talk frankly to her.

But at the same time I don't know ANY friends your age (and mine) who have the kind of frequency you were talking about before. Most have sex maybe once a fortnight, once a month or never. Mainly because the spark has just gone- sad I know- but wanted to give you some perspective because 3-5 times a week in your 50s is really going something compared to the 'average'.

Hi OP. I'm reading 'Mating in Captivity' at the moment and it's a very interesting book:

www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B0071M88DQ/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1&tag=mumsnetforum-21

"In Mating in Captivity, Esther Perel looks at the story of sex in committed couples. Modern romance promises it all - a lifetime of togetherness, intimacy and erotic desire. In reality, it's hard to want what you already have. Our quest for secure love conflicts with our pursuit of passion. And often, the very thing that got us to into our relationships - lust - is the one thing that goes missing from them."

@Marvellousmarge

My partner and I are connected sexually as well as in all other ways so much more than we had been in our marriages.

How long have you been with your partner v how long were you with your ex spouse?