Can't afford to leave my husband?

[WalkOnBye]

I need some advice...

Husband admitted last week that he's gay, he claims me and our small DC are cover ups. He's turned quite cold, and is happy for me to live here for as long as I need.

We privately rent. He said he wants to live here. I physically can't afford the rent this place anyway. It's more than what my Maternity Allowance is every month. On top of this, I can't face seeing all these false happy memories around me.

Our council have a bidding system. You go to the council, give your details and if they think you eligible for a property, you bid on council properties.

Will they offer me anything? Will I even be given a chance to bid, given the fact I technically have a tenancy privately?

Technically, I had a roof over my head. So I wouldn't be priority, would I?

We have separated. Husband wants me to just carry on and live as friends for our DC, and remain on happy terms. I'm only 20, I can't do that for the rest of my life.

I've no family/friends to turn to for this.

Please offer me some kind of advice I just don't know anymore

Maybe get an appointment with CAB, but I think you may be eligible for Housing Benefit to cover or pay towards rent. You will need to 'prove' you are separated though, as otherwise your financial arrangements will be assumed to be together. Might be better for you if he moved out from what you say. Check out your entitlement to Working Tax Credits etc, if you haven't already.

Sponge I've done all the calculators and my salary makes me entitled to £30 a month child tax credit, providing I'm no longer living with H.

I've put that I'm on Maternity but this doesn't make a difference apparently

How exceedingly selfish of him to fraudulently marry you and have kids.

Do his family know this?

I'm sorry you're in this situation.... stay strong. Life will get better for you.

No, his family know nothing

Oh no, what a terrible situation to be in. I separated from my husband and we were living together but were living completely separately with finances etc. This is not a situation that I think many people could live in without it being stressful or impacting their mental health. But I’m no expert. You might be able to get advice from gingerbread on benefits. I was entitled to universal credit even though we were living together as we were living such separate lives. Finances, living arrangements, everything was separate.
If you need proof you can get a statutory declaration signed by your solicitor. I used a template online and they signed it for £5.
I don’t think anyone, council included would expect you to stay living under those Home circumstances. Good luck OP X

Do you have family that could take you and dc in until something more permanent is affordable for you?

No, no family to take us in sadly

help sorry you had to go through that

You can claim benefits I'm your own name from the day you decide to separate. I didn't need proof. I used these to rent somewhere else.
The council should have a scheme to help with deposits etc. You really need to go to CAB.

I'd be letting his family know.

You could potentially start claiming tax credits now, even though you still live together.

The amount you've worked out sounds very low. I get 10 times that, not including the child tax credits bit. If you're on mat leave now, then guessing it asked for earnings for last tax year? If you call them that can be adjusted to current income.

Hth

I saw your other thread but just had an idea. If his family doesn't know I would be threatening to out him if he didn't leave but continue to pay your rent and bills. He deserves it.

I meant proof if you all remained under the same roof btw. Hope you manage to get some more info.

Put in the salary you expect to receive this tax year.

I am so so sorry to hear about your situation. Just horrible.

I have total contempt for people like this choose to opt out, for whatever reason. Gay, straight whatever, it's irrelevant. He has brought a child into this world and is now choosing to turn his back. Makes me sick.

Clearly his family will find out at some point - I hope they are as brutally honest with him as they should be.

How do you get on with his family? Would they be suitably disgusted by his behavior and willing to help you?

If one of my children behaved this badly to a partner I would do whatever I could to help.

Listen...
Go to your council and tell them that you and your baby are homeless and you have nowhere to stay for the night.

Take a letter with you from him stating that you had an argument as he is gay and he has a partner and you two had a big fallout which could get physical. Have him provide his phone number as they will call him to confirm.

They will put you in temporary accommodation. The benefits will sort itself out as you must be self employed on maternity allowance. Use this opportunity to start a new life.

Don’t do this on a Friday too long to explain but any other day in the week. Good luck that is if you are serious. This happens everyday with the council so you won’t be the first.

Its horrific that he called you and your children a cover up. I'm so sorry, you must be devastated.
I would definitely speak to a lawyer, try and find the funds. You should be entitled to half of everything and as a PP said you should get housing benefit to help you pay for your house. He can't just displace you and your children because he's decided he wants a lifestyle change, presumably he knew he was gay when you got married?! You have a responsibility to your family once you have one.
My mum basically fucked off when I was 15 because she was gay. I'm sure it's hard but you don't get to abandon your kids, gay people have kids all the time and still manage to look after them.

Why would you not tell his parents? He has put you in this awful position - he has no right to expect you to collude in keeping his secret, which will come out anyway. He has no loyalty to you.

I don't have practical advice but I do know that you will get through this.