Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

How long before you met your OH’s parents? Is this too soon?

61 replies

CandiedPeach · 25/01/2018 18:15

I’ve been seeing someone for around 4/5 months and he mentioned last night that his parents are visiting this weekend and they’d like to meet me. He’s suggested we go out for Sunday lunch with them.

I feel rather nervous at the idea and can’t help but feel it’s bit too soon. But then he’s met mine a few times, although very fleeting and casually not something we planned.
One of my friends thinks it’s too soon and something you do when it gets a lot more serious, but the other thinks it’s better to me meet them sooner rather than later. Confused

OP posts:
demirose87 · 25/01/2018 20:29

I don't think it's too soon. I was having a baby 2 months after meeting my partner😊. And he has met yours after all.

KanielOutis · 25/01/2018 20:30

I met DH's parents about ten years before we started dating. We were friends long before we were together.

RainbowsAndUnicorns23 · 25/01/2018 20:31

After 1 week!

Chocolatear · 25/01/2018 20:32

I knew DH's dad before I met DH. I was his boss!

Youngmystery · 25/01/2018 20:50

The same week we got together, think 4 days after. We both live with our parents still thanks to high rent and low wages. We had had a date, stayed out quite late and he didn't want me driving home late at night when I was tired so he dragged me back to his. Briefly said hi to his mum and dad before he took me upstairs. It was very odd. They were very nice considering their sons behaviour. Still are as well.

forumdonkey · 25/01/2018 21:27

The first time my bf met all my family (other than my adult DC's) was when he drove hundreds of miles to join us on a family holiday for a few days. He met my parents and sister, BIL AND family for the first time and stayed in the house we were renting. I thought it was a brave move and we'd only been together about 4 months lol

MikeUniformMike · 25/01/2018 21:32

I'd say 4/5 months is about right. How someone behaves with their family tells you a lot about them. His family will probably like you and be glad that he's met someone who makes him happy.
Go and enjoy it.

Original poster
CandiedPeach · 25/01/2018 21:47

They live around 4hrs away mindutopia but we are pretty casual or supposedly, I’m not sure what defines us as casual other than me repeatedly saying it!

But we are meeting over a meal though NaiceBiscuits.

I’m going to try keep that in my mind AmberTopaz and hope his mum feels the same way.

OP posts:
FancyNewBeesly · 25/01/2018 21:52

I've never been in a relationship that hasn't been serious after 4 or 5 months, so would have no issue meeting parents - is this maybe a sign you're not too sure about things?

NaiceBiscuits · 25/01/2018 23:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AndNoneForGretchenWieners · 25/01/2018 23:41

I met one of my brothers in law before I met DH. But I met his parents 4 months after we got together, when we went to a family party and announced our engagement and my pregnancy Blush

BackforGood · 25/01/2018 23:50

I don't see why you have to be serious before meeting them. Having lunch is just a social event, not an interview

this ^

There is no 'set time' it depends on circumstance, distance, how you (and they) view 'going for lunch', on the relationship between your OH and their parents, your ages, your confidence, etc.,etc.etc.

Original poster
CandiedPeach · 26/01/2018 09:19

There is no 'set time' it depends on circumstance, distance, how you (and they) view 'going for lunch', on the relationship between your OH and their parents, your ages, your confidence, etc.,etc.etc. I get this BackforGood
I think it’s that it’s been organised as meeting them! If they were at his for the whole weekend and I just happened to be there or even call in for a drink, I’d have no problem and if they lived nearer that would have probably happened by now. But them coming out of their way and him booking somewhere ‘nice’ for lunch (it’s somewhere my family go for special occasions, Mother’s Day etc). It all kinda screams introducing me as his girlfriend and I can’t quite figure out if I feel nervous excited or just nervous, about that!!

OP posts:
Original poster
CandiedPeach · 26/01/2018 09:21

I think I might suggest that NaiceBiscuits I know the area and there is some lovely walks near by. Only then I’ll be spending even longer in their company and will need to think of even more to talk about.

OP posts:
metalmum15 · 26/01/2018 11:29

I met his dm the day after meeting him, his df a week later when we went out for Sunday lunch. He met my dps after about a week too as I still lived with them so unavoidable. Pretty much all my boyfriends met them fairly early on, and I met their parents because they were just 'there'. Didn't realise people waited a set time and actually set a date to do it!

peachgreen · 26/01/2018 11:31

My parents turned up for a surprise visit when my now-DH was at mine on our third date (they didn't know he was there - in fact they didn't even know I was dating anyone!) We'd gone for a long walk and got completely soaked through so our clothes were in the tumble dryer and we were both in dressing gowns - all totally innocent but it didn't look that way! It was mortifying at the time but very funny looking back and it certainly broke the ice!

4-5 months is about right I reckon.

CougheeBean · 26/01/2018 11:54

About 2 months - we weren’t even officially ‘together’ yet. They asked and he said we were friends! His parents live quite far from us and I was dropping him off as I was passing through anyway, and ended up staying the night there. They were very nice and hospitable.

The one before that was awful. I had a FWB/booty call situation going on with a lad who still lived at home. On about my 3rd visit to his, his DM and DSIS jumped out at me when I was being sneaked in close to midnight. Apparently they wanted to meet the girl he’d been bringing in but it was weird as fuck and I wouldn’t be surprised if there were other girls they were mistaking me for!

Walkingthedog46 · 26/01/2018 12:05

I met my mother in law for the first time just a month before our wedding as we had been working overseas. If we had met sooner there would possibly have been no wedding!!!!

Sallystyle · 26/01/2018 12:34

About two weeks.

Although I did bump into his mum with him on our third date, walking to the restaurant.

He met my mum the same time he met me, which was nice.

SadieHH · 26/01/2018 12:37

After about a week Hmm He told me the house was empty...

SleepingStandingUp · 26/01/2018 12:45

You keep telling him its casual.

Do you want to be his girlfriend, exclusive, have a future? Do you imagine him meeting your daughter at some point?
If so, then it will be fine. Is it a nice pub or a posh restaurant?

If it really is just causal, good sex, nice to have someone to go to dinner with, never meeting your daughter then I think you need a proper chat because he clearly imagines some sort of future

SleepingStandingUp · 26/01/2018 12:46

Also we started planning to get a house together at 2 months so fairly sure it was before that haha

HelgasFlowers · 26/01/2018 12:57

I had an accidental meeting during our first date and I got on so well with them that MIL insisted I came to a party they were having a week later. She started introducing me to everyone as his girlfriend at that event and it stuck.

In an ideal world I’d have wanted to wait a couple of months at least but I was much younger then and was trying to be polite!

I think you’ll be fine, especially if it’s going out for Sunday lunch as that’s a finite event.

happymummy12345 · 26/01/2018 13:00

Dh and i were trying for a baby after 2 months together. We got engaged after 8 months, and actually got married the date we'd been together for 11 months.
I stayed at his parents house after a few weeks.

Mupflup · 26/01/2018 13:04

We met each other's parents at our wedding party, which was also 5 months after we met (We eloped, if that's even a thing any more). Not sure any of them were that impressed with out approach tbh! I think where you're at sounds perfectly reasonable.

Swipe left for the next trending thread