left me while im 10 weeks pregnant

[babyskape]

This is a painful story so I'll try to keep it short; to be honest I'm just in desperate need to know there are women out there who have been through what I'm facing now and who have got out OK the other side.

My boyfriend of 2 years has just left me. Had a disagreement about his job/taking unnecessary days off. Hes on probation at work 2 months left. he has 2 days off last week for sickness and has now booked 2 days holiday the following week, i asked why and he said no reason. I asked why he didnt speak to me about it as we have a baby on the way and we both said we the other week we wanted to use the days we have for a holiday together and more days for when baby is here. He has now taken it the wrong way and said he didnt know he has to ask for my permission. I said its got nothing to do with permission its talking to each other about stuff now we are having a baby. I admittedly said to him maybe your not ready to have a baby if hes being selfish and cant even talk to me about this and understand your job is important as you have been off sick and now you have booked 2 days off and on probation. feel like hes still immature and not thinking about the future and using his days for paternity. Anyway long story short...hes now left me and calls me controlling.

Maybe i have gone overboard with my hormones all over the place but to leave me over this is just proving to me he is not ready? I'm not feeling very anxious stressed and alone.

I can see both sides here however his over reaction to it, is way out of proportion to your offence. I know it’s only been two years but, do you know if he’s always like this, looking for way out or scared about the baby?
Hope it all sorts itself out

thanks for getting in touch. He has walked out on me before yes then came back the next day apologising. He has had a bad childhood and his dad walked out on him before he was born.

He just sounds stressed out by work and you being pregnant. I know a lot of posters will say no excuse. But it is tricky being on probation and worrying if you will pass. Was the baby planned. But he needs to learn that he can't keep walking out on you at the first sign of trouble. I think the row about the two days holiday is neither here nor there so I don't think that should be dwelt on for who is right and who is wrong.

yes i agree its not worth a massive fall out about the 2 days but i do think he needs to realise while on probation and havin time off sick one week then the next week havin 2 days off for nothing wouldnt look to good. but to leave me and take all his things to his mums is not going to solve anything. i dont know wats going on in his head as it doesnt add up. i dont know wat to do for the best. give him space. i have already asked to meet and talk and he said he stil too angry to talk. think its best i leave him to cool.

yes the baby was planned and both very happy about it :)

@babyskape I'm having a similar situation with my partner overreacting in a whole bunch of crazy ways, ending with me feeling completely helpless. The only thing I can recommend is truly focusing on yourself and keeping yourself rested, fed and healthy, and things will work out if they are meant to!

Even if you have to have the baby on your own, you'll still have tons of support and you may well be better off if your partner has acted irrationally before. Also there is NOTHING wrong with telling him that he is acting like a baby when he clearly is.

You both have to be grown up when you have a baby and granted the father has more to worry about money/Home wise because he's not concentrating on feeling sick and knackered all the time, but I really do think men generally need to get with it a bit more (probably a really unpopular and slightly scathing opinion but I'm quite fed up haha!).

I'm here if you ever need to chat as it seems like our partners are quite similar (mine has been having issues with work too) but please focus on yourself - that's what I'm doing and the baby is really making it worthwhile plus being a bit more straight up with him is making it a bit easier to deal with - we're currently spending a little time apart so our time together isn't just full of us nagging each other about pointless crap :) xx

@chiilicheesemama thanks for getting in touch. It is very difficult to focus on things when worry and panic kick in. I don't want things to be like this or carry on and im worried the more time apart the worst it will get but sometimes time is the only thing and your right time apart can be good.

I understand hes going to be stressed and thinking of things im not about the baby and our lives will change but he is a closed book and trying to do it together is hard at times and he doesnt talk that much. Think this is why he runs away as he doesnt know how to handle situations and needs time to process. But in the meantime im at home/work getting upset the more this goes on.

How much time are you spending apart? I hope things get better for you. sounds like your both working at it together and on the same page where as mine is in a different book not page :( xx

@babyskape unfortunately we only decided to take time apart because I initiated it, I was so worried about the disagreements we were having harming the baby that I left for a bit. Luckily we both still have our own places to live (complicated reason as I can't leave my tenancy but it seems to be a blessing in disguise!).

My partner didn't initially want the baby so it was a little difficult to be on the same page too, and he was really closed off about it, so I was just like, sod it, I need to spend some time on myself and I'm too tired to use the time arguing.

We've been apart a few weeks but have stayed overnight with each other a few times and it's been okay, I still find that it stresses me out a bit seeing him as he chooses the weirdest times to discuss quite important stuff - for instance, how much money we need to save to sort a place together when I've left for work, meaning I have a bit of a flap while I'm commuting on the train!

Personally I want to spend time apart until we're both sure we're secure in what we're doing, and that way both of us will be strong parents. If it comes to it and he can't really cope, then I know what I can do to survive on my own, so with these 'plans' in action I can try and relax a little.

Maybe reach out to him and say that you appreciate some time apart would be good as it's quite an intense time. Just don't rise to any arsy comments or silly things he says to make you feel guilty in any way. You are making a baby together so in my eyes you are perfectly within your right to know if everything is okay at work! How would he feel if you took time off to do something because the baby was unwell and then didn't tell him what or why. I think men forget sometimes that we have a lot going on too - I know my partner can be a bit blasé about the fact im growing a human! Xx

how far gone are you now if you dont mind me asking? its a scary time as its both our first baby and i dont want to have to think i will be a single parent but right now hes saying were over so its hard to think anything else.

Thats good you still have your own places to relax away at and not worry. Mine has gone to his mums so thats not great them knowing/seeing hes back and maybe we have issues. more than likely he wont have told them but still him sleeping there is enough.

Men never pick a good time to talk about serious stuff, either late at night or on their lunch break while you mega busy or not at all.

Does your partner ask how u feeling and do cute things for u now and again?x

@babyskape I'm about 8/9 weeks (haven't had a scan yet and had to backdate to my previous negative test) so similar sort of time to you - I'm definitely just in that weird fat stage where you don't look pregnant :(!

In some respects you shouldn't worry about family knowing if you disagree or argue. Everyone argues and needs time alone so I wouldn't let that he is at his mums worry you. I can assure you in most cases they will just let him know he is being an idiot too. I have told my mum everything and she's literally been my rock, it may be worth telling someone who you are close to in your family so you're not just at home alone worrying about him.

My partner does nice things (like cook me dinner or brings a silly present home for me) but he sort of uses it as a real tit for tat points system sometimes, like he will do that and then he expects me to return the gesture straight away! Sometimes he is very kind though, he's just been crap recently hence why I'm willing to stick it out to see if he stops being silly.

He's not very good at asking how I feel, usually if I say something like I'm feeling sick, he'll respond with 'me too' which always gets to me haha! Xx