My not so darling mother..

[pawpatrolmummy]

This is going to be a long one so please bare with me..
I'm 21 and I've never really had a close relationship with my mother.. she's always favoured my older and younger brothers, which I came to accept and it grew me a valuable relationship with my dad.
Anyway, 3 years ago she got with her husband (September) and they got engaged in the December and married the September after, he's been a problem from day 1 causing trouble between relatives. Him and I use to argue a lot as he made up a lot of lies but they were always turned around to me. He ended up throwing me out of the family home within 2 months of living there. He's turned my mum into a compulsive liar and an overly heavy drinker.
She's lied about anything from silly little things such as, how much she's drank, what time she's started work, even how long they've been together () to big things like getting mugged, and cancer.
The cancer was a last straw and I didn't want nothing to do with her especially as i couldn't have my son around lies and people like that.

This was in August of last year, and she's not been bothered about seeing me or my son since (she's even walked straight past me and my little boy in the street saying hello to the people I'm with but not us). Until last week, when she text me telling me "I don't care if you don't want to see me but me and xxx (husband) want to see OUR grandson, like seriously??
So I told her no, he doesn't know who she is from the lack of effort since he's been born, (he's nearly 2) and I would rather him not be around heavy drinkers, to which I got told I'm immature and I need a fcking reality check cause she could bring him up better than me.. hmm.
But now I'm being told by family members I'm in the wrong for saying no and I need to let my mum and her husband see their grandchild (that really grates on me as he's been in our life 2 minutes).
So do you's think I'm being unfair or not as I've already said if this was a few months ago when this all happened I would of maybe agreed with some ground rules.

I wouldn't let her within 10 metres of him.

Why would you inflict a toxic relative on your dc??

Msgame- that is exactly how I feel but family members are making me feel as if im in the wrong as "he is her first grandchild, she's bound to make mistakes" which I think is a complete cop out within itself..

Notasperfect- sorry if I worded it wrong, but I Really do not want my son around her, but I'm being made to doubt myself

Hell no. Not a chance I’d let them near him.

Don’t doubt yourself. Trust your intuition. Your crappy liar of a mother has zero rights in this case - she has no right to see her grandson, and she lost all privileges through her own toxic behaviour.

Stay strong and stay firm - for yourself, and for your child. Keep saying no.

No is a complete sentence. Your family members are wrong. She is not bound to make mistakes with her first grandchild FFS. That is not normal. Stick to your guns and protect your son. He does not need a relationship with such a toxic individual.

Your dc is not a toy to be passed around your relatives. Don't feel guilty for keeping your dc safe.

Don't let her near him. Tell these interfering family members to butt out (seriously) and that it is your decision and it's not up for discussion. Plus it's actually none of their business!

Are these 'family' members getting at you just because she's bending their ear and they want her to stop? Or does she pull the wool over their eyes? Either way she has no rights over grandchildren. Ignore.

I don't think you're being unreasonable - but maybe you could lay down some ground rules.
No booze before or during.
Visits to be at your house at a certain day and time eg Saturdays 12-1pm
Then if they screw up at least you can tell family (and more importantly ds when he's older) you tried and gave them fair chance x

Your child, your rules.

If you don't trust your mother and her husband to act appropriately around your baby then it's absolutely right for you to deny them access to the baby.

From what you've said, you're doing fine. Ignore your relatives, it's none of their business. If they're so worried about your mother's feelings they can have a baby for her to mistreat.

Whats the book that talks about flying monkeys?

No don't let her near your child!