Envying other people’s seemingly perfect lives

[ConfusedWife1234]

There is a number of things I hate about my life and unfortunately if I often find myself thinking how other people have a better life than me than actively working in improving mine/coping with those things.

What are those things? First if all I do thing I am ugly. I am skinny with reddish hair (I color it brown) and freckles. I noticed a lot of people can wear unconventional clothing and it looks great on them, but that is not true for me. So I am sticking to clothes I actually hate because they are the only things that do not look odd on me. I often find myself envying women who have a more female body and can wear everything and people who have better skin than me.

Second my husband has mental health issues. So I often envy people whose husband does not have mental health issues. Actually I do not even know if their husband has mental health issues... they do not know mine has... but I think that their does not... and start envying him.

Third one of my boys whom I love to pieces is really a tomboy and talks back to his kindergarten teacher, climbs everything. I worry how he will do in school. Again I envy people who have only quiet children.

And so on...

So I basically often feel that everybody has a better life than me though I KNOW that this is not true. How can I snatch out of it?

Your issues go beyond ginger hair and freckles.

Counselling would really help you to see why you compare yourself to others, because there’s always a reason why. We can all look at someone’s perfect life and think ‘I’d like some of that’, but that’s as far as it goes. Your feelings are about you and not them, you need to explore this.

We can all look around and see others doing far better/worse than themselves, but that’s all it is, an observation. When it becomes an issue, then you need professional help.

The best way to be in life, is to be so busy with your own life, that you don’t have time to ponder on others..says she who is great at giving advice..but I am working on it

Although it may seem others have the perfect life, no one truly knows what goes in behind closed doors. People usually present a front, fake it until you make it etc.
As you said, no one would know your husband has mental health issues.

Work on being kind to yourself, go have a facial, get them to recommend cleansers, toners etc.
Treat yourself to a good haircut, book a session with a personal shopper (highly recommend), have CBT (again highly recommend), have leisurely lunches with good friends, get a babysitter and have a date night.
List could go on and on. Basically prioritise yourself for a while and remember no ones life is perfect

Skinny people look great in all sorts of different clothes. Embrace your shape and your colouring! Get your colours done and get yourself a funky new wardrobe. Carry on doing things with your DH and try not to look at other people's lives - comparison is the thief of joy. And what looks perfect to you, is probably anything but.

But you are female, and it is your shape, therefore it is a female shape. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise, and don't let anyone tell you that someone else with a different shape is better than you because of their shape. Women come in all different sizes and shapes.

Mouseandchops1 We actually do have a dating night but instead of happy it makes me sad. Why this? Because sometimes on dating night my hubby is not feeling well and we do... just nothing... and then I am feeling not normal and sad.

sniff I do not know if it is the dh illness...or am I not pretty for him anymore?

Read “the gratitude diaries : how a year of being grateful changed my life” by Janice Caplin.
Write down every night
3 things you are grateful for
3 things you did for others
3 things you did for yourself
It promotes a grateful mindset and some self worth/self esteem.

Take a 3 month (at least) break from social media. All of that is completely fake and doesn’t help at all...
a good counsellor would also help unpick it all.
Finally,
If you can afford it set aside a decent budget and go to the John Lewis personal shopper. The service is free but obviously be prepared to spend. I was lucky enough to go with £500. I lined up all the outfits she chose in order of preference and asked her to tot it all up. When she reached £500 that was it. It was honestly life-changing.... I shop completely differently now...

I looked it up st Amazon. Seems to be very helpful. Thanks.

Me again. One of the things that make me unhappy in my relationship with my husband is how negative he often is. He basically thinks everything suck. Yes, he has mental health issues and it is not very fair to complain about him complaining but he only tries to only see the negative things and I think he just cannot snatch out of it. So he complains a lot about his life and how it did not turn out what he expected it to be and I am not sure which is the reaction he actually wants to hear.
As a result I feel negative too.

Ok don't know if this applies to you but DELETE SOCIAL MEDIA
Your life will always feel shit and meaningless compared to people on facebook, but most of it isn't even real, and you end up with loads of 'friends' who you don't actually care about. I get that it is good for keeping in contact, etc. but there's phones, texts, what's app, for that too. It's hard to do but I know, but I personally have never regretted it. (again sorry if this doesn't apply to you!)

Wear the clothes you want to wear rather than what other people have told you look good. If you like them, fuck what everyone else thinks. If you are confident with you then you will look great and feel great, I promise.

I really relate to you as my husband has MH issues too and it fucking sucks sometimes. It feels like anything you do to try and help them feel better makes no difference.
Maybe if your husband sees you are doing things to make yourself feel better, and he can see that you are happier, it may encourage him to be happier. Not for a second saying it's your fault he has these issues, but people tend to be highly influenced by the people they spend time with. It's really east to get into a spiral of feeling down because your OH is down and them feeling more down because you are down, and that's nobodies fault, it's just what humans do.

I find that when I resent my husband because of his MH problems and how that sometimes makes him act, it turns me very bitter and selfish because I get fixated on how it affects me, and forget it's worse for him. I do let him know how it makes me feel, but I don't go on about it to him.

Definitely try and build up your own self confidence and feel good yourself. You deserve it. Buy the clothes you want, even if you just start with one item to mix in with your other clothes, then you can work from there. If you feel more positive about yourself it may help your husband to feel more positive too, and if not at least you will feel less crappy. Change what you can change, and hopefully things will get better for you.

Much love, stay strong

Facebook isn’t real. Nobody has a perfect life.

I have a friend with a high powered City job. Her Facebook is full of glamorous holidays, champagne and her wedding photos. She posts about her lifestyle and amazing husband. She’s also been off work sick with stress for two months and has been trying to get pregnant for a year. None of that ever goes on social media.

People may look like they have the perfect family and life yet most people really, really don’t. It’s all a facade.

Stop conforming.
Stop judging.

Start reading back your own words in quiet moments. This is not you.

Glad you said seemingly. We all have our problems op.

On the outside I have it all. I live in a nice area, no money worries, work 30 hours a week. mortgage paid off.

On the inside, I’m dying.
Crap marriage, took me a long time to see it, but the mask has slipped. The person I married isn’t the person I thought he was. Thinking of ending a very comfortable existence. Because that is what it is...an existence.

There are several people that are very envious of my life. A couple can be very bitchy about it.

My life is far from perfect. I try to let them know everything isn't great for me but they see it as me making a big issue over something minor (something they feel is unimportant but I consider it differently) or will minimise the impact.

It's as if they have this view of my perfect life and won't be told otherwise.

I try to be positive about things - I sometimes think this masks how crap my life is sometimes.

Sometimes it is important to identify the good things you have and appreciate them. I felt very ugly as a child as I am the least attractive sibling. In reality I'm not that bad looking - for years I felt unattractive - but it's a feeling, not reality.

I'm not always sure that looks are actually that important. I think confidence has far more impact.

You sound bloody gorgeous. I’m not writing much now as I’m tired but I garuntee once you find your own style and stop listening to all the people who tell you to wear brown and pastels you will feel a whole lot better about your appearance. Red hair and pale complexion are striking, you just have to learn how to embrace it.
And speaking as a women with curves in abundance, I’m super envious of skinny women, you can wear whatever the hell you like and it will always look amazing. Fashion runway models are often skinny and flat chested precisely because they can wear any thing and always look amazing.
Style and beauty board will be a fab start for you and at the same time consider help for yourself to fix your self esteem and encourage your husband to use all the the support available to him.