When does arguing become emotional abuse?

[GerddwrEryri]

I was talking to my counsellor last night about my previous relationship. We spent most of the time arguing. Every time we had a minor disagreement he would explode and we'd end up in a huge row. He'd go straight for the personal insults, "you're a cow, you're a bitch" etc.

Most of the arguments would be in the evening and I'd just want to go to bed. He wouldn't let me though. He'd just continue shouting at me and tell me I wasn't listening to him. Then he would end up dissolving into tears and tell me he can't sleep unless we resolved the issue as he can't go to bed on an argument. We never did resolve the arguments mind and we'd just argue for hours. It was awful.

In the morning then he would act like nothing had happened and then wonder why I said I didn't want to marry him.

My counsellor said this is akin to emotional abuse. When does regular arguing become abuse though?

The name calling makes it abusive to me.

I won't ever accept being called a bitch or any other derogatory names.

My marriage would end at that point.

That does sound like emotional and verbal abuse.
Name calling is not OK.
It crosses a line right there.

Insults, attention seeking, emotional blackmail and sleep deprivation.

Yup. Abusive.

Name calling and saying unrelated things that someone knows will hurt you count as emotional abuse to me; more so on a regular basis.
I would say though that most people have said something they regret on occasion but when it becomes regular it strays into abusive.
Also if you find that the other person is shouting, name calling etc when you literally aren’t saying anything it’s a clear sign. I had a boyfriend who I had awful fights with then I decided to stop arguing back as he said I was just as much to blame in the arguments but it didn’t stop him shouting, calling me names, saying hurtful things and if anything it made him more angry that I was calm and be he was losing control. That was a very clear sign that the relationship had turned abusive.