My partner has been suffering from symptoms of PTSD since soon after the birth of our child, several months ago. The trauma stems from loss of control during and following a complicated pregnancy and birth, coupled with being dependent on people (i.e. me) who did not provide adequate care, protection and concern during these times. The full story is more complex, of course, and involves more players (e.g. midwives, doctors, my mother), but those are the broad strokes.
When my partner is triggered, and flips into an episode, she goes through hell. She is consumed with anger and despair, cannot eat properly, cannot sleep properly, and cannot control her feelings. These episodes can last a few days. They are horrible to watch, and I desperately want to avoid pushing her into one.
The trouble is, I keep doing it. She has several different triggers, mostly originating from the time following the birth while she was extremely unwell. Examples of triggers include startling her while she's asleep, or taking the baby from her without asking. She tells me that she's more likely to "flip" if I'm rude or unpleasant after triggering her. But although she's told me about these triggers multiple times, I find myself pulling them over and over again. And if she berates me for triggering her I often lose patience and snap at her, which seems to make things much worse.
The costs of doing this are so incredibly high, and the sitaution is completely unsustainable as it stands. She's told me that living with me is torture, and that as soon as she is physically well enough she wants to leave. I want to stop making her feel this way, and of course I worry about the effect on our child. What can I do? Has anyone else been through something like this? Did anything help?
For the record, she is taking an SSRI at the moment (one that had worked for a previous bout of depression) but it doesn't seems to help at all with these episodes. She is reluctant to see a counsellor as medical settings are something she now finds triggering, plus the counsellor would be from the same trust that botched her pregnancy.