Help get friend over break up!

[Spock25]

A good friend has just told me that her long term partner is breaking up with her. They’ve been together for around 7 years, she moved across the world with him and has she had developed a successful career. She thought they would marry and have kids. He dropped the bombshell that he isn’t happy and wants to break up. She is feeling ashamed, she doesn’t want to tell friends and family because she thinks they will be disappointed with her. Her family are so proud of her and she doesn’t want to let them down. She is also feeling stupid for relying on him for so much and doesn’t feel very independent because of it. I’ve been offering love and support over the phone, but I’ve never been through anything like this so I’m just trying to be as reassuring as I can. Are there any good articles or reading materials I can send her? Something that can reaffirm the fact that this is not her fault and she shouldn’t be ashamed. That it’s hard now but she will get through this. She is absolutely devastated and I’m devasted for her too :(

You sound like a lovely friend. I think just keep doing what you're doing.

Thank you! Xx

Maybe we could get a few positive comments on here & you can show your friend? You are absolutely doing the right thing Spock, & being a real mate.

I would say to her- be proud. You have made a career for yourself, far from your birth home and you have absolutely nothing to feel ashamed about, the shame is all on him, for stringing you along that you had a life together.
It is entirely natural for you to be upset & really it is a grief for the life you expected to have, with the man who is not what you had believed or expected. Allow yourself some time to process this but also look to practicalities, can you afford to rent / buy your own place or share with others for now? Do not let him throw you out until you are ready to leave.
You are clearly a strong woman , probably stronger than you think amd I bet after the initial shock recedes, you will get angry and that can be channelled into a positive driving force to re-start your life.

You obviously have a good friend in "Spock" who will be there for you. Good luck & chin up ( terribly British there!)

Spock - on this relationships board there are many posters with good advice on the practicalities if your friend needs it.

From the sounds of what he's said - he's either seeing someone else or has had his head turned.
This is no way your DF fault.
She needs to stop feeling like a failure and get some support around her.
It's hard not to feel like you are to blame somehow.
It takes time to get over that.
But friends and family help with it all.

Thank you for taking the time to respond guys! Yes I think there may be another woman, which is why I don’t think he is willing to give it another go. I think my friend would like to see if they can try again so she can at least get some closure if it doesn’t work out. But she had a peek at his computer after the break up and found out that whilst she was away on business last week he went to another woman’s house for dinner. He had told her that he stayed in and played on his xbox that night. So it definitely sounds suspicious, why would he lie? She said that he probably didn’t want her to read into it, but I don’t think he would lie if he had nothing to hide 🤷🏻‍♀️

A part of me is relieved because I never liked this guy and he’s always come across as a bit of a jerk. She does deserve better. But I’m gutted for my friend and the loss of the future she thought was certain. This has really knocked her sideways.

Great words Dory. Thank you.

Spock do they share a home? Is she safe regarding getting her own place? If she's really upset & not quite thinking clearly just now, she might agree to anything with Mr Knobhead & not get fair treatment.