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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Family issues, alone weathering big storms

2 replies

JoJoTJ · 24/01/2018 16:36

Hi Everyone,

This is my first time posting but I've looked in on useful stuff for my two DSs (3 and 10 months). I'm basically looking for advice- I've recently had a lot of huge shocks and I'm really struggling to cope. I feel anxious and down a lot of the time.

I live overseas with my lovely family- lovely DH and lovey DSs. The youngest recovered from a nearly-deadly sepsis infection just before Christmas, then we went overseas to be with my dad who was on his death bed (cancer). We were with him when he died and it went well (for such a terrible situation!). While I was still there my maternal grandfather died (we were close).

While where my Dad lives, my brother and sister were really horrible to me- basically bullying me because I didn't sort out their lives (didn't do legal things on their behalf, or organise Dad's stuff to be delivered to their houses in the UK).

A bit of background- I used to be v close to my very insecure, narcissistic and abusive mum and was her rock until I decided to slowly break free and become independent and not constantly at her service. Basically I realised while with Dad that my relationship with my siblings was an extension of my old relationship with Mum. So being politely responsible only for myself and my immediate family really resulted in a lot of abuse. And it was so hard to step away from my old role too!

At a time when I could really really do with support, I don't have any except from my husband who works a lot. Friends are ok but I'm really bad at asking for help. So- what do I do?! I am very sad and anxious and any advice or support would mean a lot to me.

OP posts:
MumJ21 · 24/01/2018 19:36

Hi Jojo - I didn’t want your post to go unanswered.

Very glad to hear your youngest has recovered and very sorry to hear of your losses Flowers

As for the unpleasant family it is such a shame they are like this with you. It seems they don’t like that you have become independent and have your own life to worry about rather than theirs. Don’t blame yourself, unfortunately you can’t choose your family.

Some of my in laws are so unpleasant to me and DH, slag us off regularly, laugh about us, then when confronted play the victim and the cycle continues. For us it will come to a point where we will be unable to have any relationship very soon. However sometimes it is better to not have any contact than deal with the heart ache that they cause.

My husband also works a lot and we live away from all our family and friends. I too have friends where we live but wouldn’t necessarily discuss problems with them we have only lived here a short time.

When my anxiety gets bad it seems to go round and round in my head, I can’t sleep. Anyway what I found helped was writing it down, a bit like a letter to the people who are causing me the anxiety. Or just to myself. How I feel about certain situations in my life. It feels better to get it out. I hope any of this helps you x

Hissy · 24/01/2018 19:42

What do you do?

Spend time with those who add to your life and limit time with idiots who have no manners.

Just ignore your siblings, their problems are not yours

Focus on your lovely friends and family, and please ask for help, friends are happy to help friends

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