Any experience with sex addiction?

[PuertoVallarta]

I think someone I know may be a sex addict, but I cannot tell if I am just being a prude. I don't think there is much secrecy or hiding, but the frequency and relentless pursuit seems maybe unhealthy.

I am not sure how much I feel comfortable sharing because this person has access to my computer and I'm worried about them seeing this even if I log out, etc.

I'm just curious about other people's experiences. If it is just different lifestyle choices, I can respect that. It seems like more but I'm not sure how to tell.

I knew someone like this in my youth. They went out every night and picked someone up and got themselves in a few hairy situations. Turned out their hormones were out of whack. They went on the pill for an issue unrelated to contraception and suddenly became ‘normal’ in regards do to sex drive and behaviours.

Thank you.

I'm not sure if I should mention something or keep my mouth shut.

I'm worried about her. Part of me says I shouldn't make accusations, though.

Why are you worried? What part of her lifestyle seems ‘unhealthy’?

She meets new men several times a week and says she has always done so and will never stop. We were close childhood friends and inseparable up until around sixteen years old when she moved away. Have kept in touch off and on and I never knew this side of her. Childhood seemed normal but I wouldn't really know, would I?

I should have name changed, but sod it. I've started this so may as well see it through. Perhaps a part of me even hopes she'll see this and recognize us both.

I didn't want to tell this as I fear it's potentially outing, but unfortunately I came home to her "entertaining" a man in my home a day after she'd landed here for an extended visit. This is the first time she's been to this city (neither of us live in the hometown we share). It wasn't as if she were catching up with an old flame. She didn't know anyone but me here less than 36 hours earlier.

I can see how it might just be normal experimentation. However, she's been staying with me for three weeks and has had sex ten times with four different men that I know about.

We are both mid forties.

I'm going mad trying to decide if she is just more sexually liberated than me, or if her behavior is abnormal and even indicative of a problem.

I really would appreciate any input as I just have no clue whether to turn a blind eye, cheer her on, or hold some kind of mini intervention.

Just tell her you don’t want random men in your house!

Also, she has a boyfriend at home and she says he accepts being in open relationship. They've been together a few years but what kind of man would put up with this if he really knew the extent of her indulgences?

Hiw did you react to catching her having sex with a stranger in your home? I personally would be about her choices but it's her body, however, I would have been livid with her bringing a stranger into my home.

I would tell her to keep her hookups out of my home.

OP - I think you are totally in your right to say - My house - my rules....
I wouldn’t want to have a guess bringing random people into my house. It’s just not happening.

However - on everything else - on how she lives her life outside of your house - it’s really her own business.
Her and her bf’s open relationship is theirs. Not for anyone else to judge.

‘Normal’ is a spectrum. Adults define it for themselves. She seems to be living the life she has chosen and isn’t lying to bf. At least the ‘open relationship’ that they are in seems to suggest it.
It’s unlikely that he doesn’t know what she is doing given her level of ‘activity’.

So - if you don’t want to lose a friend - don’t try to fix her.

It’s an addiction if it’s having a negative impact on the rest of her life, and she wants to stop the behaviour/s but can’t.

Do you know if any of that is the case?

I don't know if it's having a negative impact on her life.

I suppose I may have been off the mark suspecting addiction.

They were both mortified that I walked in. Quickly apologized and threw on clothes. I trust her to keep it out of here from now on.

Erm, she's been a guest in your home for 3 weeks. How long is she staying for ?

Do you really want random men turning up at your house ? Staying the night ? Fielding awkward questions from gentleman callers ? Possibly becoming her social worker/life coach.

I'd start easing her out of your house, it sounds like it could get messy.

Just tell her you don't want it in your house, other than that none of your business.

I trust her to keep it out of here from now on.

Er, based on what. If she’s prepared to bring back a stranger for sex, to a house where she is a guest, then no you really can not trust her.

The sex is a red herring, it’s the disregard she’s showed for your home and your friendship that’s worrying. Did you know she was on a shagging holiday and that your place was a convenient place to crash whilst on it?

You’re not qualified to diagnose a sex addiction but you should be able to see she’s a cheeky opportunist.

Tell her to get a room, one that you aren’t paying for, CF!

Yeah its reasonable that you don't want her to bring random men into your house.

Otherwise though you're really judgemental aren't you? Are you sure you're her friend because you really don't sound like it? Also sex addiction is not a real thing; its not a psychiatrically accepted term