For anyone who has had an awful upbringing..

[cattycat83]

Have you ever seen anyone about it?

I won't go into massive detail but I had an awful upbringing as a child. My mum was an alcoholic. My dad who disowned me at the age of 16 for getting a bf he didn't approve of still doesn't speak to me so I've never had any family support.

I don't know why it's affecting me now..I seemed to have dealt with it ok for years but now? I can't afford councilling..I want to tell my dad lots of things but don't even know where he is (I could maybe find out)..would you try?

If you think it will make you feel better and help you in the long term then why not?

I had a bad upbringing but I refuse to let it define me or I try hard not too!

I accept it happened but I’ve let it go. It’s the best way. My mother is sorry. I know that much.

I think make video but make it for yourself. Don’t send it. Get some therapy and talk about it there and then it you and your therapist think you’re in safe emotional place maybe you could think about telling him.
It rarely ever works out, what you tend to find is denial, and that’s even harder, because just as you’re realising how awful and destructive and real it was. There is the perpetrator pretending it never happened

Yes. Counselling and cbt. I also read a lot of self help books.

OP, you must have read about partners who've behaved like your dad, in the Relationships section of MN. You just know those men are damaging everyone they come into contact with.

Please don't get in touch with him. Please don't feel as though you might make him ill. He is the parent; you are the child. You were his responsibility and he absolutely blew it. He could be in touch with you but he's not.

He's a man to avoid, not to seek out. If you did meet him, imagine the damage he could do to you. You're very vulnerable. Don't give him that power.

Thanks for the replies.
I'd just like to clarify that I don't want any answers from him, I don't want to see him either. I want him to see what I've been through..a lot of which he won't have a clue.
I think it would honestly make me feel better..if I got no response I'm no worse off am I?

I don’t know. Because maybe your subconscious really does want a response
This is something you have to explore safely

Hunting it really isn't. I have had to relationship with him for over 20 years, missed out on every part of my life so doesn't deserve to suddenly change his ways now

Catty
That doesn’t stop your subconscious
That’s why you need to see someone and talk about it.
Think
What do you want out of telling him
Think about that really hard. Because if you just want him to know
Why do you just want him to know.
I’m not trying to be mean, I am trying to make you really think about it

Even if you send him a video he won’t know what you have been through. He won’t listen and he won’t accept it, people like that never do.

He will tell himself that you are mentally ill and imagining it or that you are doing it to get money through blackmailing him. Or punishing him because of what someone else has done. And that it’s not his fault what happened because of X or Y.

He might use it against you with others. He might blame you for what’s happened.

He will not hear your pain.

You need to speak to a counsellor or therapist or join a self help group . Somewhere safe where you can let all out all these feelings.

Your dad is not a safe place for you.