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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Confused

7 replies

WeeWheels72 · 23/01/2018 14:19

My husband left me 11 weeks ago, saying he didn't love me anymore. I think there was someone else, I found stuff, but no proof. I know they aren't together now. He came home for Christmas, and I let him stay in the house, as he lives in England.....im in Ireland, so he could be with the kids. We got on really well, stained at the start, and he couldn't look at me, but it did get better. But he wasn't going to come back to us. After he left, at the end of December, ive been on at him about the kids, we have 3, one is special needs. He doesn't phone them, or WhatsApp them, they have to do it. They have been asking him when he is going to come over to visit, and all he says is soon. I keep asking for them too, I have even offered to pay for the flight, even though I don't work, I'm still waiting 3 days later to get times to book. I'm now at the stage that I'm going non contact with him. It hurts so much as my little girl and him were so close! I know he has started seeing someone, in the last couple of weeks, as I found this out. But he is saying to me that we will talk when he is home, and asking if I could change if he came back to me...I said we would both have to change....I'm not sure what the hell is going on in his mind!! Has anyone been through this?

OP posts:
GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 23/01/2018 14:48

Why is he asking you to change, OP? He's the one who was seeing OW and left you.

Don't do the 'pick me' dance, find your anger at the way he has behaved. And IS behaving to your DC, he is supposed to put them first. Sounds like a vile little shit to be honest.

hellsbellsmelons · 23/01/2018 14:54

Do NOT pay for his flights back.
Sod that for a game of soldiers.
If he wants back then he needs to make the effort.
As a PP said you are doing the 'pick me dance'
Stop it.
Don't contact him unless he contacts you.
And why do you have to change?
Did you break your vows and cheat?
Nope!!!

WeeWheels72 · 23/01/2018 15:29

I know, I was just wanting the kids to see him, but he has now crossed the line, and im fed up with it. 15 years and 3 kids mean nothing to him, and I refuse to let my kids suffer for it. I hate that I still love him, but hate is starting to take over.

OP posts:
Angelf1sh · 23/01/2018 15:41

How can you afford his flights if you’re not working? I seriously would not be wasting money if I were you. Are you financially dependent upon him? Given his apparent lack of interest in the kids less than three months after he’s left and the fact that he’s seeing someone new already (different to the person he left over) there’s a very real chance he’s going to stop providing for you all soon if he currently does. I think you should see a solicitor and try to get him locked into a legal financial obligation to you.

WeeWheels72 · 24/01/2018 07:10

Thank you all, your replies make it hit home, just how bad he is behaving. I wish I could have a better father for my kids, as they can see him for what he is.

OP posts:
debbs77 · 24/01/2018 07:26

Just stop. Let him make the effort now. You concentrate on you and the children. Sod him

CluelessMummy · 24/01/2018 07:38

My dad was a crap husband to my mum, but always a good dad - he would call us every week and see us as much as he could (long-distance like your situation). He never failed to keep his promises about when we'd see him next. It doesn't sound like your ex is ticking either box. Focus on yourself and your kids, and let him do the running around.

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