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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Somebody slap me!

9 replies

purplelass · 22/01/2018 21:48

I came out of a 23 year relationship with a needy narcissist 2 1/2 years ago and have been seeing a lovely bloke for the last 2 years. He is exactly what I need - laid back, dependable, funny and independent. He understands that my 14 year old daughter's needs come before his and is very happy to continue living in our own houses and seeing each other when we can, usually 2-3 times a week and having 2-3 proper nights out a month staying the night at each other's houses.
So will someone slap me for wanting more? I don't need more, this uncomplicated life is totally right for me while my daughter is living with me, and I'm 99% sure that if he asked us to move in with him (which is very unlikely!) I'd say no and nothing would change, but I'm breaking my heart over something I don't even want!
What is wrong with me?

OP posts:

Wherearemymarbles · 22/01/2018 22:00

Nothing. It possilbe your subconscious is conditioned to believe the 2.4 dream and to be happy you need to live together be married and have kids etc etc etc. The reality as you know is nothing of the sort.

Original poster

purplelass · 22/01/2018 22:16

Yeah, you could be right, thanks! Stupid subconscious 😊

OP posts:

RandomMess · 22/01/2018 22:30

Still grieving for the marriage you wish you'd had???

AlexaAmbidextra · 22/01/2018 23:42

Consider yourself slapped. Sounds perfect to me. You're getting the good bits and none of the crap that comes with living together.

Original poster

purplelass · 23/01/2018 07:34

Quite possibly @RandomMess - I do think I got into a relationship too soon after the end of my marriage but it kind of crept up on me...

OP posts:

Original poster

purplelass · 23/01/2018 07:35

Thank you @AlexaAmbidextra - reality check much needed. Fairy tales don't exist and this is a pretty close second :)

OP posts:

GrooovyLass · 23/01/2018 07:49

I know what you mean. I've been with DP 7 years and we're very happy in our own houses with one staying over with the other once or twice a week.

I do not want to live with him and yet somewhere deep inside me is hurt that he doesn't want to live with me! We're only human, we don't have to be rational inside our own heads...

TheStoic · 23/01/2018 07:55

I have the same set up, and I love it.

Every now and then I ask him ‘So...would you marry me?’ It’s not ‘Will you marry me?’ It’s just our way of checking in and confirming that we love each other very much, but we are both still happy where we are. :-)

LesisMiserable · 23/01/2018 12:25

I married my lovely husband in July and we still live separately - 60 miles away from each other as we always have since meeting 3 and a bit years ago. I have a DD who is just about to do her GCSE's so not moving her any where and he is quite happy where he is for his work etc. We see each other every weekend and two nights in the week at each other's houses and we're blissfully happy. At some point we will obviously set up a home together but as we are right now we're the most happily married couple we know - we have zero 'domestics' and all the fun of dating each other whilst being committed. I'd highly recommend it!

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