Me and DP (together for 8 years) are at a stand still when it come to our sex life. This first came about due to historical issues within the relationship. We are now at a stage when we have addressed these (ongoing process), but have found things haven't quite moved forward in the bedroom. For context we did used to enjoy a healthy sex life and generally had what we felt was a good balance of 'passion' and emotional intimacy (first 3 years of relationship). For the past few years we have had sex 1/2 times per week, with some longer periods of no sexual contact (I had a termination last year and have been lacking in libido and experienced some pain on PI for quite a while... this correlated with issues in the relationship). I feel that due to the wider context things have been lacking in emotional intimacy during sex and the routine very vanilla. There has been no what I would call 'love making' for quite some time. Things seemed to improve for a few weeks from around November over Christmas however we now seem to be back at square one. DP used to enjoy sex even when I wasn't really feeling it, however now is finding it difficult to get and maintain an erection and has suggested that this is due to a change in his way of thinking and that if I am not enjoying it and passionately wanting to make love he now feels it is pointless and cannot enjoy it either. Recently he has mentioned being unable to feel much on PI and occasional discomfort when ejaculating, which has led me to think that he is maybe masturbating more than he used to and has become a bit de-sensitised? I haven't brought this up yet. This concerns me as obviously I want us to have a healthy sex life, in which DP feels fulfilled but having tried a few different things to help things along (candles, shower together, being generally more affectionate) to no avail am feeling a bit stuck. I do acknowledge that I am partly to blame for the situation as due to my low libido he had been feeling in his words 'unwanted and rejected' for quite a while. Recent conversations have led to him telling me that 'the sex life he wants (me being passionate, enjoying intimacy and wanting him again) is never going to happen'. This leaves me feeling pressured and that he does not realise that he has a part in us reaching a solution. Has anyone been in, come through a similar situation and able to offer any thoughts?