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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Am I overreacting - personal comments

41 replies

Tracey1313 · 22/01/2018 14:52

Something my husband said on the weekend has really upset me. Had me crying most of the weekend as I feel he's knocked my self confidence a lot.
So he was trying to park the car in a tiny gap and he said the space was 'tighter than a nuns (bits)
I know I guess I walked into as you do but I asked him
What my 'bits' were like, you get the drift. His response was 'well you have had a few kids'.
I can't believe it's upset me that much. He's apologised and said he meant it as a joke, but now I'm really upset over it. I told him I'd have never put him down like that so personally. It's really bothering me now. So much so I don't even want him near me and can't even think about wanting sex with him again. Feel betrayed now. Do you think I'm overreacting?

OP posts:
Lifeisabeach09 · 22/01/2018 18:44

I would have laughed and made a comment that 'my vagina would seem big to your chipolata of a cock' but that's just my humour.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 22/01/2018 19:58

Very funny Mike.

OnionKnight · 22/01/2018 20:02

You are over-reacting massively.

Guavaf1sh · 23/01/2018 07:19

Another one for massive overreaction

TheStoic · 23/01/2018 07:59

What a strange conversation to have.

Branleuse · 23/01/2018 08:05

overreaction, its just an expression.

jellycat1 · 23/01/2018 08:28

I really wouldn't waste any more tears over it.

Steeley113 · 23/01/2018 08:42

Why ask if you don’t want an answer Grin you’ve had kids, fact of life says it’s not gonna be like a 17 year old virgins Confused is probably of just quipped something back about the size of his manhood and moved on. Stop being a drama queen.

ptumbi · 23/01/2018 12:12

It is hurtful tho. My friend once mentioned that her DH had said her downstairs was like a 'wet paper bag' after 2 kids. She laughed but i was a bit Hmm

mrsaxlerose · 23/01/2018 14:22

I can see why it would paly on your mind but he meant it as a joke .My husband and I joke with each other all the time. Sometimes we mistime them or one of us if feeling off that day and the joke falls flat. We now agree that if that happens we agree to speak to each other. For example we were walking and there was a large puddle and he picked me up and carried me over it. All the time making noise like he was carrying a huge weight. I just hit him and laughed. Yet he did that on holiday and I was feeling self conscious that day cause I was in a bikini and blew up at him. He just reassured me and we moved on. You have to be confident in yourself and these comments wont matter

FluffyFerrets · 23/01/2018 16:25

A little, yes. I can understand why you'd be a bit upset though if it's not something you'd normally joke about.
DP and I joke about stuff like this all of the time - it's just our warped childish sense of humour and both of us know the other doesn't really mean it.
My Dc dad on the other hand, used to put me down a lot and once said in front of people who were discussing contraception, coils in particular... 'a coil fitted! fluffy could get carpets fitted there's that much room' but he was a 5* cunt.

Hogtini · 23/01/2018 16:32

I wonder what your reaction would have been if he'd been more complimentary? Would you have been flattered? believed him? Sounds like you might be conscious about it hence asking?
Men can't win sometimes!

ittakes2 · 23/01/2018 17:37

You asked the question and he was honest with you. He quite clearly loves and adores you - you are still having sex so it’s not bothering him. I think you need to get over this.

Angelf1sh · 23/01/2018 18:50

It’s not the nicest thing he could have said to you, the original comment about nuns wasn’t terribly pleasant either, but for heaven’s sake why did you ask? If you don’t want to know the answer, don’t ask the question! It’s not nice but you’re overreacting.

Grunkle · 23/01/2018 18:53

Do you feel insulted by the idea that you are not "tight"?

Because everyone is a different size. For all sorts of different reasons. It's not an insult or a compliment as such. It just is.

Men like all sorts of different types of lady downstairs, just as women like different types of man downstairs. I dated a man who was very... endowed... and he expressed that some ladies are too small and that he lived in fear of causing pain. Likewise I know women who feel crestfallen when they discover that a man is too large / bends towards their slightly wonky cervix / etc. etc.

I think you have decided that your anatomy is only acceptable if it has qualities xyz. You then asked your husband about your anatomy, but in an open ended way, and he made the mistake of stating a fact when what you wanted was a lie, one that was tailored to salve your insecurities.

It might be better to be a little more accepting of yourself and your body. Vs massively overreacting at your dh for not lying more carefully.

Of course your body isn't virginal anymore, it's actually done things, like have children! Appreciate and love your body for that instead of wanting to deny it.

Perhaps your dh often talks negatively about the changes in your body, and this is the straw that broke the camel's back? If that's the case, then fair enough. But if he loves and appreciates you as a matter of course, please allow him to state facts without getting yourself hugely worked up about it.

Chunkymonkey123 · 23/01/2018 18:59

I think you’re overreacting. My DH would’ve said exactly the same, I would have laughed and said something equally insulting back.
There must be more going on for you to be so upset

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