Help don't know what to do

[ALiceM20]

Hello, I really didn't want to come to strangera for advice but don't feel like i can speak about this to friends and family so really hoping someone might be able to help a bit on here.
I feel like my relationship has reached breaking point because of my partner.We have little one together but things are going fast down hill. Because of his smoking. I know some of you may feel like it's silly but we had so many arguments about him quitting. I don't want that next to our baby but i suppose I could live with it but the problem is the constant lies and financial struggles. We do not have a lot of money but emough to cover everything and have little bit leftover. Last few months we can't pay all our bills because he spends all our money on cigarettes. Few days ago i had to call my mum ask to borrow some money once again because the money we had to put on gas he spent. She sent us some enough to top up gas and sort some shopping. Well i topped up gas but we got again nothing leftover despite her sending us some becasue yup ypu guessed again he spent it. We have joint account, I tried to get him to leave card at home but then he'd just transfer his money to his old card.
He also constatnly lies about what the money went for or what hes doing. Example I saw he spent money in the shop on the transactions coz i wandered why we didnt have anything left when i asked him he said he didn't spend any yet the transactions say otherwise its always the same amount as well.
2 days ago i came downstairs he came back from outside and just started telling me how he had to make a call and a whole story and I said i wonder how since you left your phone here... cleary caught on a lie but atarted making lies how his phone is in his pocket i must be seeing things etc. His smoking is just ruining our whole relationship yet i know he can easily go a week without smoking because the couple of times we went to his parenta for a week he didn't touch a single cigarette.
I would want to try and turn it all around somehow and see if we can work something out but i just do not know how to .
Does anyone have any advice what to do from here and how to go about trying the last time to see if something can be done to save it

There are two issues here. One is that you do not want him smoking near the baby and the other that he is spending money needed for the family on his habit. The second one can be solved by getting rid of the joint account. Put all the joint money in your own account so he cannot spend it. You need to set up some agreed rules over smoking e.g. He smokes outside. If he will not discuss this or come to an agreement then he is clearly showing he does not put you and his family first. Maybe time to end things then.

We did have separate accounts but even if i put money in the other one he'd still take my card when i wasnt looking and pay using contactless option besides i am a atay at home mum so all money coming in is his
tried the he only smokes outside but obviously didnt work very well as hed just constantly throw money away on cigarettes so same situation

Why oh why did you have a baby with this man?

How old is the little one?
Is your mum supportive and close by?
Could you live with her in the interim until you can get housing sorted out?
Please contact CAB and find out what the situation would be if you were to separate. i.e. housing benefit, tax credits, etc....
Where do you live now? Is it a council properly?
Who's name is it in?
Sorry there's so many questions but I think a bit more info will help us advise you properly.

He only gotten so bad in the last few months when we found out we were having baby we both smoked but he didnt smoke as much plus i was working then i quit and then he tried and slowed down only to graduatly increase his smoking and so spending
he is 1 year old
no my mum is on the other end of country so i cant just go there as and when i please
its not a council property we rented a house
the property is in my namw

So he takes your debit card without asking and uses it?

Well that is stealing for a start.

Are you married? Anything other than a joint account in both names?

Personally, I'd pack a bag and take your child and go to your mums. You cant even afford to heat your home let alone buy any food. Any who wants their baby ingesting cigarette smoke?

It's time you gave him an ultimatum. He shouldn't be putting his cigarettes above the need for household essentials. Ask him to go to the GP and ask to be referred to the Smoking Cessation nurse.

Thank you all for your advice i suppose ultimatum is the last option i have left, i didnt even think about the gp but i suppose that would be good start hopefully he will agree if not i guess i will see where i stand