Would you leave your DP for parenting like this?

[Anotherusername2018]

We have 2 children aged 2 and 4. They are both really well behaved but have their moments which is fine.

DP is a good parent some of the time - plays with them, helps out with housework, meals etc, and does the school run as I don't drive.

He can also be very impatient with them, and his tone of voice when he speaks to them a lot of the time is like he is irritated. It really comes across. He also gets really annoyed if either of them don't understand what he's saying straight away - if they are trying to learn a new game or how to put clips in dollys hair for example - he just becomes really annoyed really quickly.

He speaks in a negative way to them constantly - I don't think he knows any other way. Don't do this, you can't do that, etc etc. Rather than trying to distract them etc.

He is also quite sarcastic to them (and me). He always thinks he knows best, and generally there is an edge to him so the atmosphere is tense. Again it's not all of the time.

He doesn't have a difficult like at all - I earn the money, he has plenty of spare time and no money worries or anything else.

I don't think he'll change.

Reading it back it sounds like I'm nit picking. Maybe. I just think a child should be given as much positive reinforcement as possible, and his ways of parenting I think would cause them to lack confidence as they grow up.

What do you think?

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Maybe that's the way he was bought up and he doesn't see it as a problem, in which case you need to train him first. DH and I have the odd parenting issue but if I notice him consistently doing something that doesn't work we discuss it and he tried to rectify the situation.

Hi Grey, I do try to discuss things with him but he denies he does it in the first place, therefore he has no interest in changing.

If he's got no interest in changing you've got years of this shit. What happens when they start answering back?

Could he be stress maybe? Being the main cared for small children is really stressful. Or maybe he just isn't good with kids? Could you switch and he works while you take care of the children?

If you divorce him and he's the main carer for the children while you work, you risk having to pay for him to stay at home with the children and you get less than 50:50.

I think joint counselling could work here.

If he was filmed interacting with the children would he understand then how bad his behaviour is?

It's not your job to train him; he is not a puppy!. He is supposed to be a responsible adult and is simply not acting like one.

What do you want to teach your children about relationships and what do you think they are learning here from the two of you?.

Why would you stay and show your children that yes, this treatment of you and in turn them, is acceptable to you?.

Is he at home with them then? If so, you only see some of the picture and the atmosphere will be different when you're not there.

The trouble is that if you leave him they will see him anyway but without being tempered by you. DH and I have similarly different approaches. He has mellowed since the kids are a bit older but also I have come to realise that there is not one right way to do things. My kids really love their (nitpicky, critical) dad and what's more they really, really trust him because they know he won't pussyfoot around. They love me too but they trust him to tell the truth.

However if YOU can't stand it any more then yeah, leave! You're not obliged to stay for the kids if the rel'ship is floundering.

How would he describe your parenting? Do you have very different styles? I think it is easy to pick up on how someone behaves differently to yourself and have it blown up into a larger issue than it actually is sometimes.
Do you mention his sarcasm at the time? He can't deny it if you are repeating it back immediately. Is he sarcastic in other areas or with other ppl?

Record him if you can when he's being negative.
Try to get him to do a parenting course.
If he won't and doesn't acknowledge any of this, then I think you know what to do!