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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

So hard to make the leap

2 replies

ThousandsOfLives · 21/01/2018 22:40

Been with my other half 15 years. 2 children. We own a business together and I also work part time. We've not been happy for along time. Relationship can be toxic and nasty at times. No shared interests but we bob along and can have good times too. I know I need to end it. The thought of living like this for another 15 years and more makes me want to cry. But then I think of the business, our potential future, our plans and I just can't face the separation. I know it'll be so hard to separate and he won't make it easy. We separated a few years ago and he wore me down by basically not leaving me alone. I know I'd be happier but then I also think there are many aspects of my life where I'd be unhappy if we separate. I just can't make the leap. Tried counselling before, other half said it was a waste of time and we are fine as we are but I'm not. Anytime I try and broach the issue he dismisses my feelings and then gets snappy.and I end up wondering if there is anything wrong or if it's just me making problems from nothing.

Sorry I am not sure if this makes sense.

OP posts:
Huntinginthedark · 21/01/2018 23:35

Well you sound desperately unhappy. We can all coast along. But you use the word toxic. If you can see that then you know something is fundamentally wrong.

Lots of partners don't want to go to therapy, personally I think that's a good indication of their views on the relationship, it's not teamwork, they've done nothing wrong, they don't need to change etc.

Everyone should be happy to iron out issues. You can't bury your head in the sand forever
Maybe Make a list of the things you might find really tough if you're not together. And have a long hard think about it they're surmountable

BackInTheRoom · 22/01/2018 10:39

Hi OP.

It might be me but your post seems full of contradictions?

*We've not been happy for along time.

...but we bob along and can have good times too.*
*
The thought of living like this for another 15 years and more makes me want to cry. But then I think of the business, our potential future, our plans and I just can't face the separation.*
*
I know I'd be happier but then I also think there are many aspects of my life where I'd be unhappy if we separate.*

If I were you, I'd google John Gottman and his credentials and get one of his book and try to save your marriage. Google 'The Human Magnet Syndrome' and book too.

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