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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

BFs Facebook Chat

13 replies

Dramaismyname · 21/01/2018 21:29

Hi all,

Just looking for a bit of advice.

I found myself looking at my boyfriend of 11 months Facebook messages (I know this in itself is awful) and saw a very recent conversation, that was initiated by a female facebook friend who was making very sexual advances towards him.

Rather than rebuffing her, he went along with it over the course of 20 minutes or so, before leaving the conversation be.

I immediately confronted my bf, whose first reaction was to assure me that this has never happened before, and he would never ever have met up with her.

He says he was simply so shocked at receiving such a message, at 10am on a work day, that he wanted to see what was happening and got carried away before stopping.

He says he is not used to that sort of attention, with me being one of very few partners he has had.

My bf has expressed such great regret over this and doesn't know how I can forgive him. He knows there are no excuses for not telling me about it, or simply not responding. To be honest, I think he just got caught up in a moment of madness, behaved totally out of character and realises the error of his ways.

He has been very clear that it wouldn't happen again, and has deleted the female in question without me having to ask. He said he doesn't think it's appropriate to allow her to initiate another such conversation.

Please understand that I am not simply going to return back to where we were, he is of course going to have to regain my trust, but I can see how people are not perfect, and I want to give him a chance to redeem himself.

To be clear also, had it been more than one female, continuous such conversations with the same female, meeting up or actual physical contact in any way, I would be long gone.

He also knows that if anything, no matter how small, of this nature happens again, I will leave.

I'm just wanting to know, has anyone else been In a similar situation? What did you Do? Has it worked out?

Thanks all!

OP posts:
Dramaismyname · 21/01/2018 21:30

Please read!

OP posts:
ClaryFray · 21/01/2018 21:31

I hope it works out. For me, and in my experience a leopard never changes its spots.

proudmum4 · 21/01/2018 21:32

I'm sorry to hear this luv but it's not good, if he's done it once he will do it again !
I've been there just because he's showing signs of regret just means he's upset he's been caught why would he do it in the first place? You've only been together a year
You don't deserve that

proudmum4 · 21/01/2018 21:33

P.s it didn't work and he kept doing this and I forgave him over and over I was young and silly

Lookatyourwatchnow · 21/01/2018 21:36

What does she say and how does he respond?

leftwiththedognow · 21/01/2018 21:38

11 months? You don't get 'carried away' by someone else when you are in the first flush of love. In fact you would be blunt as fuck in telling them to back off.
Get rid. Now.

Dramaismyname · 21/01/2018 21:38

To be honest, he didn't really say much back, it was her saying rather explicit things 😕 is it really bad news for us

OP posts:
OnionKnight · 21/01/2018 21:42

I'd LTB but why were you snooping?

Dramaismyname · 21/01/2018 21:46

It was just about to be honest, shouldn't have looked but I did, hands up!

OP posts:
OnionKnight · 21/01/2018 21:48

So you had no gut 'feeling'?

Ditch him.

Lifeisabeach09 · 21/01/2018 21:52

Red flag.

leftwiththedognow · 21/01/2018 21:54

What onion said.
You were snooping for a reason. Now you have your answer.

Beelzebop · 23/01/2018 23:03

He will only get worse, sorry .

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