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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How has your life been restricted by being in a LTR?

6 replies

ChristmasTablecloth · 21/01/2018 20:15

I have been with my dh since 1991 and married for a long, long time.

We have never been on a skiing holiday together, with our without children, because he doesn't want to go. He is big, heavy, very clumsy, not terribly athletic and self employed (so scared of injuring himself and being off work, he only takes about 3 weeks off work per year as it is) so we haven't gone.

I would absolutely love to ski again (went once when single) and I can't help feeling slightly resentful somehow.

Also, my dh works anti social hours, mainly evenings and weekends, so while we have a good household income, we have not done much socialising with other families at the weekends, and I am so used to going out to evening events without him that I almost feel affronted now when he is free to come with me. Infact I often forget to invite him.

These don't add up to major regrets, but sometimes I dwell a little bit on what I haven't done in the last 25 years that I could have done had I not chosen to shackle myself to dh. Am I sounding a bit Shirley Valentine maybe?

Anyway, anyone else? What would you have done differently had you not gone down your chosen route?

OP posts:
Enni2S · 21/01/2018 20:27

Why don't you just go skiing without him?

peasepuddinghot · 21/01/2018 20:28

You could go skiing without him.

Personally there's been some men I've turned down because I've been in a long term relationship. Men that have been infinately more atttactive than my then partner. I wonder how different my life would be if I'd said yes to those men.

ChristmasTablecloth · 21/01/2018 20:28

Because someone has to be around to look after the children.

OP posts:
peasepuddinghot · 21/01/2018 20:38

Could you and the children go?

Peanutbuttercheese · 22/01/2018 08:52

You shouldn't be resentful of him not wanting to go skiing that's the one thing I don't agree with in your post and he has valid reasons. How old are your children?

Having a long term partner is of course sometimes restricting because You have to consider another human. It's the reason I bailed on my first two fiancées I just wanted no restrictions. Having dc is even more restricting. However the pay off should be love.

Sounds like you two have lives that are too seperated.Are there very valid reason he works evenings and weekends?

My DH is entitled to six weeks off a year, he has only taken his entire allowance once in 22 years.

Thursdaydreaming · 22/01/2018 09:14

If you've been together since 1991 your children cannot be babies. I'm guessing they are at least 10-15 years old, more than capable of being left with DH for a long weekend.

Its true that you have to compromise in an LTR.

But I also find sometimes people blame their partners for not being able to do things that they aren't really being prevented from doing.

If your answer is I wouldn't want to go skiing by myself, well how is your partner preventing that. In that case you wouldn't be able to go if you were single either.

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