DH doesn't make me feel good about myself

[MardiGrasss]

It didn't used to matter. But multiple DC later, loss of career (currently SAHM but back to work soon), a few big difficulties in life that have aged me considerably and my self esteem is really low. I don't feel attractive, I sometimes feel like a crap mum etc etc. I need some reassurance and support.

It's just not in DH's nature to say nice things. It's not who he is. I tell him all the time what a great dad he is, how attractive I find him, the great things about him. He doesn't ever do the same for me.

I felt overwhelmed and went and cried for a while in another room earlier today (we've/I've got a lot going on). He knew. He didn't say anything and isn't going to.

I've tried talking to him about it ofcourse. But the problem is, he hasn't changed, I have. I knew who he was when I married him, I'm the one who's needs have changed I guess and he can't magically change himself to be a sensitive person.

So what do I do? He's a good man and listens when I talk to him about it but he's just not able to change.

Does he say nice things to you dc. If he does, he capable of saying nice things to you, he just chooses not to. If he doesn't, then he's not this 'great' dad.

What if you just asked for a hug? Just tell him you feel sad and a hug would help.

I absolutely feel for you, however I would be wary of putting too much responsibility on your marriage to fulfill you personally. I know you want and need reassurance, and I know you want that to come from your spouse, but all else being well in the relationship I think that's something you should look for in other walks of life. Don't hang your self-esteem on someone else; it's too much for any pair of shoulders to bear.

You have two option here OP. You can't change the nature of your DH EVER, so you can either leave him or ACCEPT him.
You are putting all your energies into insisting that he changes. It's impossible, as the only person that you have some power over is yourself.
Is he good with his children and respectful towards you, does he show his feelings by doing things for you? Actions are a lot more useful than romantic words.

He just can't help being him. You want him to talk to you but he has probably have no idea how to do it or what to say.
My DH is also an introvert so I get things off my chest with my friends. Although we do discuss everyday plans. He finds my demands ' to talk' intimidating.
He also finds it very difficult to articulate or talk about his feelings. He has barely a romantic bone in his body. But he is a good family man beloved by his children and me, and totally reliable.
I have had to learn who I get what, from.
It's unrealistic to think that we can easily find someone who will fit ourselves like a glove.
Try and look for the positive things about you DH and then he might improve.

I agree with above PPs that you need to do stuff for yourself to boost your self-esteem.
However, I also feel that DPs have a major part to play in both our emotional health and putting effort into a relationship.
You sound unfulfilled.
And, maybe, you have outgrown your DH.
The thing is--the grass isn't always greener on the other side. You might come out of your marriage and not meet anyone as good as what you currently have. Or you might meet someone better.
Any chance your DH will go for relationship counselling with you?

Constantly having to praise someone is exhausting and it can sound so phoney, can’t you just accept what you’ve got.

What do you do to make yourself feel good about you? Constantly looking for a particular type of approval from someone who doesn’t give it, is just another way to feed the self loathing.

Your DH could say the most amazing things about you all day and every day but if you don’t feel good about you, then those words won’t carry as much weight as you think they would.

The change starts with you. Good luck.

Thanks everyone. This is good advice I do need to find a way of feeling good without needing my marriage to do that.

northern I wasn't suggesting constant praise. Just an occasional 'you look nice' or 'you're a great mum'.

Lifeisabeach you are spot on, but no he wouldn't dream of it. He's pretty much perfect to me in other ways so maybe it's a self management thing.

You sound a little bit low, and its possible you have the beginning stages of depression? If so, please go to your GP for support.