Not sure how to feel

[Mrtumblesspottybag10]

Or what to write for that matter!

I have realised my exdp was emotionally abusive and continues to be so!

He left me for OW and has since moved in with her with plans to buy a house (this is relevent as we were planning to buy a house together prior to.him leaving)

He has always spoken to me like rubbish and made me apologise even when it was clearly him in the wrong.

Through recent events, contact with our two DCs had now become non exisistant on his part and i feel really sad for them as they love their DF and their faces light up when they see him.

Exdps family still visit weekly to see the DCs and exdp is not.mentioned.

Sometimes i am filled with anger that he can do what he wants when he wants get a full night uninterrupted sleep etc whilst i am lookint after our dcs 24/7 and othertimes i feel.a sense of huge relief that we are now free to do as we please when we please without having to make sure we are home at a certain time, his dinner is ready etc.

Othertimes i get really upset with myself because he didnt always speak kindly to our DCs and there was an incident when DD was only a few days old where she ended up.with a bruised head because he lost his temper with DS and threw something in the heat of the moment which hit her on the head and i had to lie for him which i one billion percent realise was the wrong thing to do and i have all the messages etc regarding this as he is trying to change his idea.of what happened at the time etc

Not really sure why i am posting to be fair - he threatens me weekly with solicitors and getting full custody of our DC etc (even though i know 100 percent he has not even attempted to contact one) and he feels the need to tell.me everything he does with OW and why she is better than me etc - this doesnt worry me anymore as i am.not interested in him in the slightest he is just showing his true colours now as it is all one big game to him!

My head just feels jumbled at the moment and whrrls our now.in motion for me and our DC to get a new home etc i just feel really empty and sad for what i wished he could be like when he was nice? If that even makes sense!

Apologies for the rambling and thankyou for reading.

Block all ways he can contact you. He is being abusive and you are enabling him.
If his dps are having a positive to the lives of dc then long may it last, if ex wants to see dc he can ask them to speak to you if necessary.

I have all bar email - my solicitor said to keep one line of communication open for him to ask about the children until contact is sorted (im pursuing him seeing them in a contact centre for the time being but he is reluctant to spend any of his money and feels he is above seeing our DC in this environment)

Only allow contact about arrangements with children. Do not engage with anything else. Why are you bothering to listen to him tell you about ow???

You're an adult, you have the right to say 'not interested, what time are you collecting dc?'. And repeat.

Same with custody threats: 'i will discuss this with my solicitor when i get your solicitor's letter. What time are you collecting dc?' And repeat.

If he persists hang up/walk away. All handovers are done at doorstep. He does not come in so he can treat you like crap. If you have to have another person to do doorstep handover.

Stop engaging. You have that power. Use it!

Don't compare your life to his. He is a shite who gets a full nights slerp because he is missing out on watching your dc grow. Bet you life with ow isn't as perfect as he pretends to you it is. After all he is part of that relationship and he is a shit! Don't be jealous ow gets the house, after all he, the shit, is part of that package.

You, who are not a shit, gets to watch your dc grow in a loving environment without the shit. That's the real success story here.

See he only contacts you through email, so rephrase: couldn't be bothered reading all that rubbish, what time are you collecting dc?' And don't trawl through all his crap, but move it to a separate folder as future evidence and ignore it.

I have been - its just getting to me now - i know i have to rise above it and dont respond to his crap about his new life so he has now taken to sending email as if he were speaking directly to the children and says things like "mummy wont let me see you" so i usually respond with our DC are fine - just fed up of banging my head against a brick wall!