Husband troubles

[Isabella111117]

Hi my husband and I have a 10 week old baby. I have 2 issues with my husband. The first one being, before the baby was born I asked him to give up his band as I will need help with night time feedings, changes etc. but he refused to do this and said that it’s the only thing he looks forward to. It’s not a professional band that he’s in and 90% of the time they don’t even get paid to play! A couple of days after the baby was born he went off to a gig and I really struggled doing things on my own.

I suggested a compromise that when he goes to a gig, I would like a couple of hours for myself e.g to go for a walk, have a nice bath etc. but he is yet to make up for his end of the bargain and he’s been to a lot of gigs!

Secondly, it really annoys me that he goes off drinking on the weekend, comes back really drunk therefore he is unable to help at night and the following day because he has a hang over! I really need him to help out more on the weekends because being a mum is a full time job too and I can really use a breather!

I’ve told him how I feel and spoke to him about my issues with him but he doesn’t say anything back! He’s also told me that he’s away every weekend on February for gigs! I really want to throw him out!

Throw him out. What sort of life is that?!?

Sorry to say but he is being very selfish and immature here and hard as it may be you have to consider is this what you want? You will end up resentful and angry which will cause arguments. He won't say anything back because there is nothing he can say - you've suggested a compromise and he can't even meet you half way.

Errrm throw him out! What a waste of space he is! Totally immature and selfish.

I agree, he needs a short sharp shock.

He doesn’t get to carry on like he did in his child free days, he needs to pull his weight. If you’re not getting an equal amount of downtime then he needs to change his ways.

It doesn't sound as though he is grown up enough to be a dad or a husband for that matter.

He is very selfish.

Has he always been like this?

What will you do Op if his attitude does not change?

What an ass hole. You need to leave his sorry ass.

Hi first time parents I take it.most dada just aren’t prepared for how much a baby will and should change their lives too. Quite often they see baby as an extension of you.

Don’t ask for time out for yourself. Tell him. Get stuff prepared for while you’re out and just go out even if you just wander around the shops you deserve some time to. He isn’t being a parent right now and he needs to be. Does he have any mates who are dads? Maybe they could be asked to have a chat. Men are simple and they can’t read minds. Tell him what you want. I.e make the bottles up or put the washing on. If he’s hung over tough he’ll have to learn that hangovers and kids don’t mix. Wake him up and asking to get you something vital while you feed baby or give him baby and take a shower. You might think we’ve had 9months to get prepared for being parents but my experience tells me that me don’t prepare until they have to.

Why oh why do we expect selfish entitled men to undergo a personality transplant when babies arrive. What he should do and what he will do are two very different things.

It comes down to how far you're planning to push things to achieve a fairer balance because it doesn't sound like he currently gives a shit.

He doesn't care what you say or think so what are you going to do about his immature behaviour? Are you going to set boundaries and consequences or just argue and muddle through?

What a selfish immature man, I would show him the door.You'll manage as you are anyway.Needs to grow up and realise he has responsibilities.