Lazy OH or am I unfair

[user1476971714]

I work full time 7am-4.30 and do cooking, cleaning, ironing etc. OH does Nursery drop offs and will complain he is tired all the time. (He gets up at 7.45) I ask for help with chores of a weekend and am met with the tiredness response. If I say I am tired too, I’m told it’s not a competition and I’m being unfair as he’s at work all day. I’m starting to question whether I’m a nag as me asking gets me nowhere.

He’s being a cheeky fucker, he should be doing half the chores if you both work full time. Sit him down and say it’s not fair, it’s not carrying on, and draw up a rota.

OP
He is being very lazy,is treating you like a cleaner ,cook,General housekeeper!!
No way should you put up with this.
You've not said how he is in other aspects of your life but tbh,unless he is totally amazing and a wonderful dad,lover,provider,gardener,diy_er...I'd be seriously considering life as a single mum.

He is being unfair and treating you like a drudge.

What hours does he work?

I've seen countless posts on here where other women have posted about the exact same thing.

You work full time and also do 'The Mental Load'. Unless there's a shift in the societal norms, you'll still be doing it in the future or until you break each task down in to bite sized pieces that you'll have to explain to the nth degree so he can understand and tackle. Some have managed to do this successfully so maybe you can too?

Tell him he either has to do half of the chores or he leaves and thats it.

Try not to ask for 'help' because that indicates it's your responsibility when it's a joint responsibility. You are both adults with fully functioning limbs (I assume ) and therefore the chores should be divided equally , regardless of gender.

Give him the option of doing his share or paying a cleaner to do it. I did and my DH chose the cleaner. She only comes every other week and I do all the cleaning in between, laundry, cooking and mental load so although I work part time and DH works full time, we agree this is fair.

If both working full time the house stuff should be split equally, if one is part time then they should pick up the difference in hours on the house stuff and split what's left equally. If one doesn't work then they should do the house stuff.

Does he have any particular reason for being tired?

He's done a number on you, if you even have to ask. He's taking the piss out of you.

although I work part time and DH works full time, we agree this is fair

It doesn’t seem fair! Why don’t you pay for a cleaner for every week? Or do you have split finances.

But you're also at work every day. So he can't use that as an excuse.

Why are you putting up with this?

I'm assuming he gets in much later than you if he isn't getting up till 7.45. So you have fallen in to a pattern of starting dinner and getting on with stuff because you are home first.

Stop getting on with stuff when you get home. I would look at your work hours and commutes and see how long your both out of the house for. Sit down for a talk about spare time and sharing tasks. Stop doing things for him completely if he doesn't take it on board. Then reasses.