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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Whatsapp

29 replies

Flowersarefun39 · 20/01/2018 13:04

Someone on a thread mentioned whatsdetective and I was wondering if anyone had any experience of using this service

OP posts:
yetmorecrap · 20/01/2018 13:11

I have OP

yetmorecrap · 20/01/2018 13:13

It’s good for seeing level of activity and you can track several numbers at same time which ‘can’ give you an idea if 2 people communicate a lot, what you don’t see are the messages. It certainly can show if someone says they ‘don’t use it’ or keep taking it off and on the phone etc

Original poster
Flowersarefun39 · 20/01/2018 13:25

What is op

OP posts:
Trills · 20/01/2018 13:29

OP = original poster = you

Trills · 20/01/2018 13:31

You should know that it can only tell you if WhatsApp thinks that 07123 456789 was online at particular times.

It can't tell you who they were talking to, or if they were typing at all vs just looking at messages.

Original poster
Flowersarefun39 · 20/01/2018 13:38

That’s all I want to know really .is it confidential

OP posts:
Trills · 20/01/2018 13:44

You probably know this but if you are at the point where you feel the need to monitor someone's whatsapp usage then there is already a problem in your relationship.

Pogmella · 20/01/2018 13:44

Hey, I used it. The person didn't know. It confirmed an affair and then I deleted- it's obvs not very healthy to keep it for any longer.

Original poster
Flowersarefun39 · 20/01/2018 13:49

Yes I do .my husband was having some sort of messaging relationship and it all came Out but still not convinced it has stopped . Same sort of level of secrecy over phone but not just as blatant .

OP posts:
Original poster
Flowersarefun39 · 20/01/2018 13:51

Is it easy to cancel ?

OP posts:
Pogmella · 20/01/2018 13:53

Yeah you can get a free trial or pay for a week. Sounds like my situation which didn't end well... Maybe think about what you're going to do in either outcome first?

Biweeklyshave · 20/01/2018 14:31

Never heard of such a thing. Is it legal? Regardless of a situation sounds like an unacceptable invasion of someone's privacy.....

Brokenlife · 20/01/2018 15:19

Yes it is legal, WhatsApp provides the activity on a person anyway, all you can see is online/offline activity, not who they talk to or any messages.

If you had time you can monitor this yourself all day as you can see when somebody is online or offline. Obviously you would need to literally stay on that person's profile all day.

Mycashybear · 20/01/2018 15:31

I cannot believe that you can actually do this. I also don’t think it’s very helpful as it doesn’t really tell you anything only the usage and I’m not sure that puts you in any better position knowing what is going on than you do now, it’s very healthy. You could drive yourself mad knowing how much someone is online imaginings the worst.
I think someone else said it if you need to go down this route is this a relationship you want to be in. More important is this the sort of person you want to be in this relationship it doesn’t seem to be bringing out the best as it should.
Hope you find what you need Flowers

Mycashybear · 20/01/2018 15:34

*not very healthy....sorry

Gemini69 · 20/01/2018 15:40

if you feel you need answers OP.. then do it. ... Flowers

Original poster
Flowersarefun39 · 20/01/2018 15:53

Tbh not worried about his privacy . After him making me question my sanity to cover his own arse , my only priority is the truth ! And yes I could walk away but that isn’t as easy as you think when someone makes out that your paranoid .

OP posts:
Mycashybear · 20/01/2018 16:10

Not wishing to piss you off as I am not I. Your shoes and no lying and cheating is not acceptable. However, I think this app thing will make you paranoid and What are you hoping to find out? It won’t tell you anything? I do sympathise with your situation but if someone is going to lie and cheat monitoring their online usage will not stop this and will just give him something else to say about you.

Mycashybear · 20/01/2018 16:10

*i am not in your situation....sorry stupid phone

yetmorecrap · 20/01/2018 16:27

It did confirm to me the amount my DH was using it when he had rarely used it before and by knowing the person who I suspected he was communicating withs number, I could see it all timed. In my case it was all rubbish stuff anyway, but the fact was he lied and said it had stopped and was deleting. To be honest, he was just a bit of a coward and didn't have the balls to tell the other person (who worked with us and was a bit needy) to give it a rest. Do I think it was very healthy, er no, you can develop a bit of an obsession checking, did it confirm what I personally needed to know to confront, yes. Did it then all get stopped, yes. Not knowing though when you have strong suspicions can drive you just as nuts.

WhiskeySourpuss · 20/01/2018 16:55

I guess this app will only really work if he's telling you that he doesn't use WhatsApp & you find out that he's using it a lot. If he regularly uses WhatsApp then it's not really any good to you.

As for also checking another persons number to find out if they're using it at the same time & coming to the conclusion that they're having an affair/talking a lot/whatever with your OH I personally don't see how that works as it's a bit like adding 2+2 & getting 5... I'm always on my WhatsApp periodically throughout the day as are many of the people in my contacts list as they use it as their primary messaging source so I don't think being on at the same time regularly is conclusive of any improper contact - if it was I could name at least half a dozen people I could be accused of having an affair with Hmm

Pogmella · 20/01/2018 17:58

Flowers my STBXH got caught habong an affair. Denied, denied, denied, said it was only msgs and he was coming bavk to work on our marriage. I susoected he was still doing it. He told me grief for my mum was making me paranoid. I strongly suspected bullshit but getting divorced is scary and a huge step. I downloaded the app and went out for the day. He was on WhatsApp over 6 hours that day. Previously he'd been a guy that would lose his phone in the house from using it so infrequently. No, its not healthy long term. Yes it is a bit invasive. But if you know someone's lieing to you and you just need that proof to bolster your cpurage to act on that knowledge I hear you. You're not crazy. It was 5 months ago for me and I'm happier now. I don't cry every day. I'm ready for divorce.

Pogmella · 20/01/2018 18:02

Oh and when I confronted him he ran away, moved right in with her and eventually admitted to a physical affair a few weeks later. It's hard to understand unless you've been in the situation.

MrsDarcy4092 · 20/01/2018 18:13

OP my advice is walk away.

I’ve been in a situation where I caught my bf with a second mobile phone he was using to message girls. He turned it off before I could read anything and denied it was his point blank. Made me paranoid and I had counselling as he kept questioning why I wohld even think it was his phone. I deep down knew he was lying but I didn’t have the confidence to walk without evidence. So I stayed. 12 years later I have just left.

You don’t need evidence. If your in a position where you feel like you need evidence then get out. No good relationship should make you feel like that

Original poster
Flowersarefun39 · 20/01/2018 18:15

I just need to know for my piece of mind . He was always on whatap and he blocked me but our kids and other family members told
Me and I actually put up with it as he just said I was crazy and he liked having banter with other blokes he worked with .once cat was out of bag and it kicked off big time he unblocked and he has dramatically cut down his use of the app but you still never see his screen or his phone is
Never left around . If he leaves fine I will deal with that it’s the uncertainty that is the killer.

OP posts:
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