DH overreacting

[tigercub50]

In the past, DH has tended to be emotionally immature & sometimes he used to stay out of the house after a row. We argued this morning & I admit to undermining him but reckon he has overreacted by saying he’s not going to come home until teatime ( he usually has a lunch break). Because this hasn’t happened for ages, I’m feeling it more. I rang him but he hung up after a bit, having said I hadn’t listened to him & so he wasn’t interested. The argument started over DD’s behaviour & I defended her without really knowing the whole story. Sometimes they are as bad as each other & I find it hard to keep out of it, even though I know I should.
Have texted him but maybe should leave him to stew. He might come home before teatime anyway.

Anyone there?

What does he do when he’s ‘not coming home?’

Hello, I think it's best to leave him to lick his wounds. Perhaps there was fault on both sides and it's best for you to have some space. Later on or tomorrow hopefully you can talk through calmly together and work out how you can avoid this type of thing from happening, but it will be important for you both to really listen to each other and acknowledge what you both can do differently in future. Good luck xx

I wouldn't be able to keep out of it either if my dh was arguing like a dc with a dc.....
Did you know he was a man - child when you married him?

How old is your dd? I despise the saying "they're as bad as each other" in relation to parent child relationships.

Bump

DD is 9

They weren’t really arguing but DH & I did a bit when I intervened

But he’s at work?

Apparently she’d been playing up when I was out so he got more annoyed than he normally would about her behaviour that I saw

I completely understand how exhausting it can be when your DH and one of your DCs are butting heads constantly, and both as bad as each other. It's just draining.

But he's thrown his toys out of the pram and left you to cope with the DC and the house and any responsibilities while he's pissed off in a huff.

I wouldn't fix him any tea. Let him sort himself. And text him that he can sort himself the since he's acting this way.

He works but always has a 2 hour break in the middle of the day

Head-butting parents and kids gets old. I've had this for years with DC1 and DH. They just clash. I just disengage and leave them to it. It heals all wounds.
Don't chase him up. Leave him to it.
'Leave them alone and they'll come home.' As Beware mentioned, you're left to it to manage the kids and the home while he goes off to cry in his beer. Let him sort himself out. He's a big boy, even if he doesn't act like one. Don't coddle him!

I think he’s keeping out of the way to avoid DD picking a fight again. Perhaps not ideal but it really brings him down sometimes. He’s not really left me to cope as we’ve got people coming over anyway 🙂

Is it sulking or to calm down though? In the past I’ve left the house when arguing with OH or stayed where I was longer just because I know that I need to calm down and I don’t want the argument to restart.

It wasn’t sulking - we’ve since had a good chat & have both apologised. He told me that when I undermine him it makes him feel really small. As far as he’s concerned, he knows he needs to be the adult. DD has a way of making both of us behave like kids sometimes!

Undermining is never ever good - take the disagreements away from the children