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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

going crazy! not spoken to anyone for days

19 replies

beansmum · 27/07/2004 21:07

I'm going insane, had ds 8 weeks ago and am sooooooo lonely. I'm single and moved house when i was pregnant so i don't know anyone in the area. i love my baby but i need someone to talk to who can talk back!

just realised that i haven't spoken to anyone except ds and my mum (on the phone) since sunday. I just have no idea how to go about meeting people, sounds really stupid! I went to the local mum and baby group last week but felt really out of place. All the other mums are a lot older than me, married and have known each other for ages. i'll go again this week but i'm dreading it.

just need some moral support and someone to tell me to get off my bum and stop being so pathetic!

OP posts:

gettingthere · 27/07/2004 21:09

is it possible to take the baby swimming yet?

tammybear · 27/07/2004 21:11

i go through that sometimes beansmum. where are you? can you go along to a mumsnet meetup? i take my dd to tumble tots every monday (well not until september now) and i really hate it as ive just turned 20, everyone else is at least 35 and know each other as theyve all been going since last september and i only joined in the last three weeks. you've always got us!

scrumpy · 27/07/2004 21:14

beansmum...not in position that you are but persevere with the mums group first time visits can be daunting but should get easier remember you all have at least one thing in common...your children and mums like nothing better than to talk about their little treasures!! Also plenty of mums on mumsnet that are happy to chat I know its helped me with advice re my ds and I have also met others who post on here so perhaps you could see if their is amumsnet meet up in your area.

Hope you feel better soon

scrumpy.

Rowlers · 27/07/2004 21:16

Sorry Beansmum you're feeling so lonely. It should be a fab time with a newborn! My DD is 18 weeks now and I felt odd when I first joined the mum and baby group in my area. Everyone seemed to know each other and be a lot more confident than I was. DP persuaded me to persevere and I'm so glad I did. 8 or 9 of us meet weekly and it is a godsend having some adult company. It may appear that they all know each other and they may well do but I'm sure the group will be open to you. Especially if you keep going. Take a deep breath and go again. All you need is to find one person to start chatting to and you'll be away. IS it the only mum and baby group in the area? Round here there are quite a few, especially in church halls. I'm sure it won't take long but you may have to be brave to start with. Good luck!

tammybear · 27/07/2004 21:19

lol i forgot to tell you the point of my tumble tots story DOH. i go just so my dd can get use to other children and hopefully ill be able to make friends with the other mums. i do get a few sentences from them now and again. its just keep at it, and to try and make a first move if noone one else will even if its just to ask another mum about their child. always a great conversation started with mums

tammybear · 27/07/2004 21:26

how r u neway beansmum? hows ds?

johno · 27/07/2004 21:30

what do children do at tumble tots, i have never been and a bit scared to go on my own

tammybear · 27/07/2004 21:35

tumble tots is for children from walking to school age (various classes depending on ages), they have loads of climbing apparatuses to help them get confidence with balance and coordination, plus they do song time where you have to sing along and do the actions (which doesnt help when you dont know what you're suppose to be doing ). they also have gym babes for babies from crawling to walking, and gym bobs for children from school age-7. heres there website i think

johno · 27/07/2004 21:36

oh ok, my son 14 months but he dont crawl or walk so maybe leave it a little longer, then might try it

pipsmum · 28/07/2004 16:00

Hi beansmum

I was in a very similar situation to you a few years ago, moved to a new town when I was pregnant and didn't know anyone when baby was born. I opened up to my Health visitor about it and she mentioned she knew of another mum in a similar situation. It so happened this other mum lived around the corner, had baby 6mths older than mine - and we are still friends 6 yrs on! We didn't like the established mother and baby groups etc. around here and so set up our own group through MAMA (the meet-a-mum-association), we kept it relaxed and informal, just meeting at each others houses or arranging trips out etc. on a weekly basis. There was quite a lot of interest, the health visitors encouraged us and, through their work were obviously in an ideal position to mention us to other mums, we stuck posters up in Doctors waiting rooms and the Library. At our peak there were around 12 of us. As with any group you click with some people more than others and some people would go off and do their own thing aswell as meet with everyone else. There's also an organisation called 'Homestart' who I do voluntary work for, they can offer friendship and support on a one to one basis and perhaps help with accompanying you to groups/setting one up for yourself.

Just ideas but I hope you find them of some use!!

Take care

By the way you're not in Norfolk are you!? The unfriendliness you describe reminds me of when I first moved here being a Northener and having moved from there to Oxford to here was quite a culture shock I can tell you!! It's fine now! Hope I've not offended anyone!!

Piffleoffagus · 28/07/2004 16:03

join the NCT go to coffee mornings etc
Infact you do not even have to join, just go along, I was just like you, and it sorted my head out I made lots of good friends...
go go go petal...

Piffleoffagus · 28/07/2004 16:04

beansmum where are you based honey? there might be a mumsnetter meetup in the topic section?
I am moving to Lincs from Hants this month, will have to do it all again...

mummytosteven · 28/07/2004 16:18

beansmum - you're not pathetic - its hard enough meeting new people when you've not got a lo governing your schedule! don't suppose you live anywhere in the Liverpool/Chester/Manchester area? otherwise my msn is [email protected] if you fancy a bit of virtual chat

lulupop · 29/07/2004 08:59

Beansmum - so sorry to hear you're feeling so lonely. Even living in the centre of a busy town and being married, I used to feel I was going mad by 5pm every day when I hadn't spoken to anyone except DS all day (we also moved to a new area when i was PG).
Most of the baby activity things you can do are for when baby is a bit older, but I found a baby massage course at my local adult education centre. As well as being a really nice thing to do with your baby, it's a good way of meeting other mums (and on my one, there were plenty of sinlge mums as well as married ones!). Also, someone else has suggested swimming, which is lovely. Aquatots and Swimkids are the groups whihc operate in my area (Kent), but you could find out what's on where you are from your HV.
Don't despair - it's easy to feel cooped up with a tiny baby, but if it's any consolation, I met both of my now closest friends at the swing park where I started going with DS from about 4 months.

Thomcat · 29/07/2004 10:29

Beansmum - come back and tell us where you are.

other things you could try:

get out and go to the park, smile and try and start light conversations with the other mums there.
baby massage class, ask your HV if she know of any in your area (such a lovely thing to do anyway)
baby music classes - again ask you HV (I think that classes will be better than just sitting around drinking coffee if you feel out of place as you'll all be actively doing things with the your baby and you can chat too)

Don't let yourself get down about this, get out there and be a mum to make your son proud of. You can do this.

Put on a nice cool dress and some flip flops, a bit of lippy, put something nice and cool on bubs, pack a bag with bottles of water for you, a cooler with milk for him if your not BF. A sun shade for the buggy maybe, a blanket, some fruit, a rattle/toy for him and a book for you and go for a walk find a park and sit and chill out under a tree. Take anything you think you might need basically so you can just totally relax when your out and don't feel after 5 mins you have to rush back home becasue you forgot to bring a nappy!

Lots of love to you hon', TC xx

Thomcat · 29/07/2004 10:40

Oh - and put a shout out for people in your are in the mumsnet meet up section.

Original poster

beansmum · 30/07/2004 11:40

my computer was playing up the other day so couldn't write any more. went along to the baby group again, felt a bit better but really have nothing in common with the other mums except babies. also the other babies are alot older than ds and most of the mums are going back to work in the next couple of weeks.

oh well, hopefully some new mums will join and i won't be left all by myself with the hv!

i've been asked by the hv to go to the antenatal class she runs and answer questions about being a new mum, not sure i'm the best person to ask, i don't think she realised i have no contact with beans dad, she asked if he could come along too but i explained and she still wanted me to go. i'm quite looking forward to that, most of the mums will be due within the next couple of weeks so they'll probably join the baby group soon, ds won't be the youngest anymore.

Anyway, feeling a bit more positive and am actually going to do something about the situation instead of just feeling sorry for myself. i'm going back to uni in october (in edinburgh) so i'm going to have to make the most of the rest of the summer with ds, he's going to be in the nursery all day when term starts. not looking forward to that!

last thing, is 2 months too young to go swimming?

thanks everyone for your support, feel much better already

OP posts:

boudicca · 30/07/2004 12:01

Really glad you're feeling a bit happier today Beansmum,I was asked to give a talk/answer Q's about my experiences of Bf by my health visitor.Like you I was a bit apprehensive,I wasn't at all used to meeting new people.But it was great-a really good feeling that I'd maybe helped just one other person.
I'm now back to not speaking to another person for maybe days on end(esp. when Dd3 isn't at home)(and sometimes it feels like it even when she is!)
Enjoy the next few weeks with your baby-and have a really great time up in Edinburgh at uni(my Dd1 has lived up there and was in love with the place)

harrassedmum · 01/08/2004 22:35

Hi, dont know if this will be any use to you, but I have started volunteering with home start, if you have one near you, and they can send round people like me (god help you!) to have a natter and to go out and about with. Have you got a sure start near by, cos they also do lots of activities?

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