Left out of the loop

[peterpansbrother]

First of all I am male, my wife recently gave birth to our 6th child,
I am not a selfish person or ungrateful, but I am sure we are all aware having a large family does restrict 1 on 1 time.
It is exhausting also which I understand. My wife does not work as she does not need to, I work and support my family but as time goes on I feel time for me and my wife is less or to her seems less important.
I get looking after children is not easy too along with the general Day to Day house admin, when we do get that hour or two of no children it seems as a opportunity to sleep for my partner.
I support my family financially and I also do a lot with the kids and around the house.
Does anyone else feel the same or have similar issues ?

Thanks

I think you already have all the information you need to understand this tbh.

Maybe she is worried 1 on 1 time might result in a 7th baby

In all seriousness though, she sounds exhausted. Maybe ask if there is more you can do to help. If she’s recently given birth too she bound to need some recovery time.
Who gets up in the night with the baby/babies? Things will hopefully settle down as the children get older, but I think for now she is going to be tired and probably needs more support

Ps you are going to get flamed here.......

Ok to put it out there, I get up at 4am and I am home by 4-5pm I cook as well as do chores to make sure DW is not doing everything herself.
I help with the kids homework, bathing etc. We do have a fair share of the household as I am aware I would not want her to feel like she does it all as she deserved her rest and relaxation too.

We take alternate nights to feed the little one.

I have walked into the fire and as one of the reply's states "frazzled " bit was just seeing what other people In a similar situation may feel

Your answers are right there in your post there's absolutely no chance of you two having one to one time while you've got 6 kids! Is there anyone willing to babysit the kids for a night so you can have a date night?

We do get the odd date night which is nice and we both have good and fun relationship with each other. I suppose I don't like to go to sleep to early as it is Groundhog Day otherwise. Just wondered how others dealt with similar situations.

"We have 6 kids" "my wife doesn't work"

Send your wife off to catch up on her sleep in a nice hotel whilst you look after the kids. Enjoy your time not working!

Your first sentence is everything you need to understand the position you are in.

Also, she’s got 6 kids to look after and you think she doesn’t work? That’s everything I need to understand the position your wife is in

You have six children, of course she’s tired.

I think when he says doesn't work he means doesn't go out and get payed, obviously she works looking after the children. But also of course she'd take every -slim- chance she could to sleep

Let me think.
1-2-1 time when I have recently given birth and have 6 kids to look after.
Or sleep when I have recently given birth and have 6 kids to look after.

Sleep wins everytime. Doesn't matter how much you do around the house, she has recently given birth. It takes ages for us to actually recover from this. Cannot believe by now you haven't realised this.

Your wife recently gave birth to your sixth child so she will crave sleep and she needs to take any opportunity for it. I was frazzled with three! How old is the oldest? How many are still in nappies? Your wife DOES work - she works extremely hard at home looking after the children whose conception was 50/50. Every life involves sacrifices and yours, among other things, involves little or no time alone with your wife because you are both involved in caring for the children. As they grow the demands do not lessen but they change - think moody teenagers, school difficulties, exam stress. Appreciate the moments of joy as a family, even if they seem few, evenings out without the children but they will be very few. Continue to co-operate in the child care. Get all of you out of the house (yes, I know, with six children a feat in itself) even if it's to the park or for a walk. What does your wife say? She may think that time with you alone may result in a seventh child i.e. more work. What did you expect? Children slumbering peacefully or in their rooms by 8pm?

I can feel the frustration coming through in your post. My dh and I felt a degree of that too and we’ve only got the one child!

The thing to do is to have a conversation with your wife. Like you she’s going to be tired, stretched to the limit and either missing her relationship with you, or too tired to even think about it.

So as long as both of you can avoid the inevitable attitudes this thread will attract and not get into a competition as to who works hardest, and instead you can talk about what is possible and what’s needed to facilitate it then you’ll be able improve things for you both.

Everyday is groundhog day when you have small children. That's just how it is. It gets better as they get more independent. Is number 6 going to be the last?

We do get the odd date night which is nice and we both have good and fun relationship with each other. I suppose I don't like to go to sleep to early as it is Groundhog Day otherwise. Just wondered how others dealt with similar situations.

IMO if you have got through 6 babies without separating/divorcing you are doing VASTLY better than the majority of people would.

And I think that’s what you need to be conscious of during the first three years of the new baby’s life. Not 1-2-1 time.

I had twins when my older DC were 3 and 4 and how supportive (or not as it happened) my h was during my pregnancy (when other dc were 2 and 3 and I was ill and on bed rest for high BP at times), labour and the early years was a HUGE contributing factor to me leaving as soon as the baby stage was over...

It takes on average 1-2 years to physically recover from a textbook birth without any complications. Sometimes birth can leave you with medium to long term health issues so yes I would say sleep is a priority over 1-2-1 time for a woman who has recently given birth to no.6.

My wife does not work, OK "heads up" to all the MN Borg Drones out there. Op means his DW does not go out to paid work. She works at home.

Basically for another few years, yes, it will be Groundhog Day but it is about investing in the potential for 1-2-1 time later by doing as you are doing, sharing night feeds, doing housework, looking after kids and letting your wife sleep, rather than having 1-2-1 time now.

I get looking after children is not easy too along with the general Day to Day house admin, when we do get that hour or two of no children it seems as a opportunity to sleep for my partner

You have 6 kids and wonder why your wife is tired? Come on now, stop it. She is basically running a 24/7 facility.

To be fair. Your wife probably does more hours with the house and children then you do at work. Do you resent her for not working? Was it both of your choice to have a big family? If it was a joint decision, you will have to find a way to spend time together without added pressure and her feeling nagged.

Maybe don’t have number 7?