I have no friends!

[Applepie]

I had four amazing friends. I saw them all separately and everything was going well at home and with them. I was struggling to see them all so I thought I'd introduce them all to each other and I can see them more. Big mistake!!!
One of my friends has always been abit obsessive and didn't like me seeing the others. She always tried to put me off seeing them and was a little hesitant about meeting them.
However little did I know she would be the person to ruin everything.
We all meet up and it worked great at first. We all got on and everything was good. Until I had to go back to work.
The girls still hang out without me which I was fine with. However my clingy slightly obsessive friend decided to get rid of me from the group. She played them against me without me even knowing ☹
Two of my friends sided with me they knew what she was saying about me were lies however my bestest friend believed her and she never spoke to me again ☹☹☹ they are now besties.
My two friends stood by me but they still hung out together.
I went from part time to full time work and I was unable to see them as much as I could have hoped for.
One of my friends kicked off saying I didn't have time for her anymore but I was struggling to balance work and two children. I couldn't see her every week. We lost touch.
My other friend was great and was always there for me.
But she's just moved to America with her husband. I'm devastated.
I've now got no One and I feel incredibly lonely.
How do I make new friends at 40!!!
Because of everything that's happened I feel on my guard but I miss female chats and company.
What shall I do????

You see the three little dots at the bottom of peoples' posts?

Click on them and you get a drop-down menu which has PM as one of the options.

I'm feeling similar to this myself OP. I've got a couple of good friends, but find I'm seeing less of them nowadays as they're busy with their families. I'm a single Mum with 2 teen DS. When they were younger I was always meeting new people through the school or their clubs, but they're 18 and 16 now.

A lot of the 'Mum friends' I made over the years have drifted away now the boys are older. I get in well with colleagues, but we all commute in from some distance away so don't tend to do things after work. I do yoga and go to the gym and chat to people there, but that's as far as it goes.

I'd love to meet some new people.

Hi, sorry youre feeling so lonely<img loading="lazy" class="inline-flex mumsnet-emoji" alt="Sad" src="https://www.mumsnet.com/build/assets/sad-q5SIe0Cq.png"><img loading="lazy" class="inline-flex mumsnet-emoji" alt="Sad" src="https://www.mumsnet.com/build/assets/sad-q5SIe0Cq.png"> How about getting some Penpals?? I have a few, I love writing to them all!! Most of them are in the UK, but I have a couple in the US, one in Trinidad & Australia. Im in 2/3 penpal groups on Facebook.

Hi lovely. Your post really hit home for me. I lost contact with what I thought were two of the best friends a person could have both in the same year just as I split with my exh no explanation nothing! I have come to realise they weren’t that important given all the other stuff I was dealing with. I’m in the same area as you so please get in touch it would be lovely to hear from you xx

I agree, Apple, it seems to get harder as you get older. Life changes and social mobility can mean people move away and it's not always easy developing friendships amongst colleagues. I miss the carefree nature of friendships in my 20s, but am lucky to have kept a couple of friends from my youth. Feel free to PM me!

It's so hard to meet new people. Most of the people I meet have lots of friends already aren't so interested

The few ones I had moved to distant locations with their partners, so we lost touch. Then I had a difficult period at work in my thirties, and as a consequence I'm not so trusting of other people but rather take a wait-and-see approach re other people. I also noticed other people who where my acquaintances rather met up with each other. For example you'd call them for a meet-up, they say they're super-busy and don't have time, and then you also realise that meanwhile they've gotten together multiple times since last time without inviting you. Well, it has more or less made me stop trying to make friends. Haven't really made any attempts at making new friends in the last ten years or so. I go to the gym and chat to people there, without knowing their names, different people each time, and that's as far as it goes. I've tried taking classes, etc. but nothing comes out of it. At a therapy session I was advised to call up really old good friends from the past but I don't really have any as I was bullied at school. Plus with work and everything, you don't have oceans of time. Sometimes I think I'll wait and sort it out once I retire.

The only answer is to join something. I go to a spiritual group and next week I am starting weekly aqua aerobics one evening a week.

The ones who go to groups are invariably more open to newbies and new friends in their life and added to that the interest that you share e.g. walking group or whatever it is gives your life a bit more stimulation.

Op how about starting a new thread calling on those who are lonely like yourself and live in your area? Maybe in chat_?

You could set up a Skype, fb or similar chat group and get to know each other?

I hope that you can make new friends soon

Or find a group of people via a shared interest here at meet up

There are lots of us about OP. No family, friends drifted away and suddenly you can't think of a single person you could call upon if desperate, or even just for a chat. Some people magically collect and keep friends from being knee high but I've spent forever trying. Pop over to the chuMNs page.

Oh god this is me!! I moved to this area when pg 4 years ago and too far to see my friends regularly and it always ends up me going to them.
Since moving here I've not managed to make any real friends. Feel so lonely at times.

You've been Wendied.

Totally sucks. I hope you find some nice MNers to hang out with.

I'm in Wales so too far but good luck.

I've just met my Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come and it fucking scared the bejeezuz out of me!!! 😱😱😱😱😱😱

A lonely little woman with no friends, living in a souless shared flat with nothing but work to get her out of it.

I really, really need to stop myself getting to where she is.

I'll look at that Meetup site.

Meetup isn't great at all where I live. I live in quite an antisocial location. When ds is 15 i.e. in two years time I intend to join the neighbouring city's choir on a Monday evening. They sound sociable in that they meet at the pub once a month after. Something to look forward to. Like I said above I do go to my spiritual group up to 8 meetings a month so that gets me out of the house but as I work from home with no help from the ex or any form of family support whatsoever my lifestyle is by default quite isolating.

I invariably feel better by spring/summer but the winter phase is always crippling.

Aqua will be cheery also in that it will help stress levels and get me more fit. I may not make a friend out of it we shall see the main reason for going is to get fit. At least it will get me out of the house beyond visiting the local supermarkets!

I have a few friends but mainly from the spiritual group others have rented and moved away whereas I own my own home and have no intention of moving again.

I don't have close friends I see as too busy. I think this is more common than you think.

I have 2 close friends and my sister is my best friend as well.
2 friends moved back to their families but I still them when I can.
Sister is under the control of her twat of a BF.
I have no friends where I live and it can be so lonely.
I'm not really near you.
With 2 DC it makes it even more difficult for you.
I have no suggestions as I've been unsuccessful as well.
Unfortunately my lying cheating ExP got all the friends in the area I live.
Do you have partner or husband?
If not you could always get yourself on Tinder or something similar to find people in your area to connect with??

I think this is why a spiritual group and/or church can be so invaluable for people in that it gives a sense of community and belonging. It is good to join something.

Lots of sympathy from me op but no advice. I moved to a new town 8 months ago and despite my best efforts I have made literally not one friend in that time. Its almost comical at this point - every time I think i might be getting somewhere I am harshly blown off and it's back to square one. It's like dating, only i don't have to shave my legs. Awful, horrible, and so, so lonely. I don't want a polite, smiley conversation. I want a mate i can drink gin with and be awful with.

I understand. I have 4 close friends but I’m single whilst they are married and have children so it’s didficult to see them as much which is understandable.

I joined a very sociable sports club just 2 weeks ago and tonight I went for drinks with 3 other ladies who are in a similar position to me.

There are other women there with children etc too so it’s not just about single women.

It felt great to be honest as I’ve been feeling very lonely.

I read a book which said it takes 2 years to establish a friendship, so it isn't easy especially if you have so much else going on.
And they don't really happen 'naturally' because they are often someone who sits beside you regularly for years at school, or at the next desk at uni, or you share a flat with, or you see every day at work so they are sort of someone you are 'forced' to befriend because of circumstance. Thus it's harder when you aren't socialising with people in these situations.
A shared hobby or sport or interest is a good place to try.

I have friends but they are scattered/married etc, only one in a similar boat as me.

I have a ‘friend’ who I’ve known over 25 years, she lives a 5 minute walk away. I’ve lived here 8 years, and she has probably been to mine less than 10 times. I used to visit her frequently but she is married, and her husband is only sociable with who he chooses, so I reduced my visits. I have never been invited for dinner. I doubt she would miss me at all, and would never visit if I moved. I guess this is not a friendship at all.

So I’m friendless too really. I lost my sister last year, she was a huge part of my life, I miss her