Am I aiming too high or overthinking?

[Theapplestretching]

I think I’m an underachiever. I’m clever, but also creative, and my parents didn’t push me academically. I ended up doing an arts degree and now work in digital media; not amazingly paid but I do enjoy it. I had an abusive boyfriend when younger who bullied me into choosing universities and I feel like I never fulfilled my potential.

Here’s the problem. I’m intellectual, quick witted, well spoken, intelligent and I’m also very attractive in terms of looks. I seem to attract men who I would say have traditionally well paid and middle class jobs - pilots, dentists, doctors, engineers etc. I’m able to hold their interest for a while but then they inevitably drift away and most have ended up with women in similar roles.

I’m not sure if I’m aiming too high or if I should look for men on a similar career level to me. Or if I’m just overthinking things (I have a tendency to do so). It ends up with me feeling bad about my own career and life.

I’m 27 by the way.

Can I close the gap between careers in a relationship? Or do I need to change?

Interesting- I hope men don't care what job you do because I'm just a care assistant.

I used to have a profession but left when I became very ill.

I like more intelligent men as I am quite brainy myself.

I did date a dr before Christmas but he turned out to be married!!
And on mon I went on a date with an electronics engineer (nice but not sure there was an attraction).

The problem with some men who are eg English & upper middle class is that they do tend to like to date women in the same social class.
One very posh man asked chatted me up & asked what school I went to - I'm 41!
When I said it was a comprehensive he walked off, how rude!!

But he wasn't interested in my job, just my social class.

When I tell men what I do they seem to be attracted to the fact it's a caring role? Even though it's not a professional role.

There's an element of over thinking it for sure.

You say they end up with women in similar professions.

And from that you're concluding that you're not good enough.

But really, how much data have you got? You haven't dated that many men at 27, I'm sure. And of those you have, you can't surely know the profession of all their next girlfriends. And from those that you do - I doubt you're still in touch with all 2 years later to know whether they're still together or now with... someone in your job!

So you've maybe had what - 3? - incidences of this.

OK... most people meet other people in similar professions because they meet through work, or social groups cluster that way. So it's not even that meaningful that they do it.

You sound lovely... be yourself

Agree with others that this seems to be an issue of your making. Intelligent people tend to (in my experience) have a lot of interests outside of work. This is where the minds meet.

DP has a very nice professional job - I do not. I do have 3 degrees but they’re all useless in terms of getting actual work. We are both intelligent but out careers are just in the background.

If you are an interesting and intelligent (and attractive) person then as PPs have said, your job is irrelevant.

Sounds like you’re trying to find a way to blame the past for current failings.

You are still very young. If I were you I'd go back to Uni. Sounds like you might regret not entering a more intellectual/prestigious career for the rest of your life. Good luck OP.

I don't think going back to uni is a realistic option - I own a house and have bills to pay.

I don’t see the point of going back to uni - you’ve got an arts degree, why would you need another one? Unless there’s something very specific you want to do.

There’s other kinds of training you can do that doesn’t have to be at uni, if you’re not happy with your job.

But you don’t sound unhappy with it, you say you enjoy it. I’d be more inclined to do further training within your field, or an MA or something.

It may well be OP to do with the fact you have been going for a certain ‘type’ and in fact they just don’t suit, and it shows because you maybe aren’t that interested in what they talk about, vary up the kinds of guys you meet by actively dating guys you wouldn’t normally maybe go for!!

they lost interest because I was cold/they didn't know if I liked them

You have kind of answered your own Q there. Looks and brains will get you dates but ultimately long term, successful relationships are built on very deep intimacy. That involves opening up and feeling comfortable being vulnerable in front of your partner. That all sounds a bit woo but it's true.

Also, just because your boyfriend has a good job doesn't mean he is out of your league. My DH has a very good job and earns a lot of money. When we went through a bit of marriage trouble one of his friends told me that I could do better than him, but he couldn't do better than me.

I'm a bit surprised at what you said. I work in digital marketing in a senior level role having started at the very bottom 7 or so years ago.

There are plenty of successful, clever people in the field and money to be made if that's important to you.

That being said, you are 27 and can do whatever you want still. I had a similar upbringing and decided one day that I didn't want to be a victim of it.

Also, these men you're dating aren't better because of their jobs. People fall in love with people from different backgrounds all the time, you're making it into an unnecessary thing.