Son won't sleep and I hate my husband severely

[stressedstayathomemum]

My husband went out tonight drinking with his friends even though he knows how difficult my toddler (20 month) is at night time at the moment. It took me 15 months to get him in his own bed settled ( he was breast fed 15 months) and I just got him sleeping through the night. For the part week he's being horrific.. he won't have his usual day time nap so I get no rest during the day.. then at night he's difficult and won't sleep and screams and screams and he's up now in my bed. The only change to his routine is that I had to swap rooms around because we are overcrowded in or house now and the older ones keep each other awake so I've had to put my toddler in the same room as my oldest daughters instead of him having his own room and he's new a nightmare I don't know if it's his age or the change. It's not as if he doesn't know this room as he's played with his sisters in that room before. But I've now got to stay awake now until he decides to sleep. My husband is or enjoying his night out with his friends whilst I'm suffering her at home. He says he has the right to go out with his friends whilst I'm stuck in this house 24/7 with these kids. I feel like ending my pathetic life

Organise a night out ASAP and go. He needs to experience it for himself. I can see why you’d feel so angry with him - what would he do to help if he was home?

It does sound like the move in room has unsettled DS - could it be noise from his sisters?

Is he always going out and you’re not?

My advice is to match the amount of nights out you have. Make sure you take them even if you go and sit in your car somewhere.

The problem isn’t him going out.

You can also have a night out too.

You sound exhausted and you need a break. I suggest you give yourself a day off for you to do something without kids involved.

Does he stop you having nights out?

Go stay with a friend/in a Travelodge overnight in the next few days. Leave him to it for 24/36 hours.

My friend did this and her DH was very apologetic and frankly shellshocked by how hard dealing with kids alone is.
Now when he gets feeble about the kids, all she has to say is that she's thinking of staying over with me again and it pulls him round.

You need to get out. I have a small human that still sleeps with me 9 months and I get resentful when DH looks like he is having a good time. But that says more about me and than anything else. Sometimes us mums tend to martyr ourselves in the hope that someone will miraculously do something. Make sometime for yourself. As for the statement feeling like you want to end your pathetic life....I think that is a serious though and you should definitely seek some help.
You sound exhausted and at the end of your thether please get some help.

I would be minded to book myself a night in rather than a night out. Book yourself into your local Premier Inn, turn off your phone and sink into that bed all by yourself and sleep. It is a fantasy of mine (and my kids are not that bad sleepers really). It is my "cheating" fantasy, one day I am going to pretend to my husband we have an all night disclosure exercise at the office and do it!

My husband doesn't care. He spends all his time off work reading and 'researching' about stocks/shares and investments because he wants to learn more about that topic and he said I just have to accept that he will be on his phone for much of the time he's home so we spend 0 time together now. He takes time out for his nights out with his friends and for the gym but not for me.

So what exactly are YOU getting out of this relationship?

All those saying “arrange a night out”

Do you not remember how you felt when you were chronically sleep deprived with a young baby/child?

The LAST thing I felt like was night out!

You're not going to have any more kids with this selfish, useless excuse of a twat, are you?

Op it sounds as if you are depressed, caused by lack if sleep.

I had similar anf the first 2 years were hell.I also had a mostly uncaring partner.

You need to prioritise yourself, can anyone else help with regular childcare so you can sleep?
Once you are rested evaluate your relationship.

@stressedstayathomemum

Do you read OP?

Can you afford a babysitter for a few hours while the others are in school perhaps? Just to watch toddler in the house while you sleep, not a fix just sometimes a couple of hours is enough to feel like you can cope again.

I have been there whilst trying to work a 60 hr week. I can remember crying with exhaustion and luckily DH put me to bed, but he still didn't understand the bone crushing tiredness that comes with 2 years of no sleep.

I would imagine that the room change has caused the sleep issue to get worse and it will get better again. I have in the past resorted to strapping dd2 into the buggy infront of the tv while I snoozed on the sofa when she was on a run of 2-5am wakes.

The priority first is to get you some sleep, because everything else becomes more manageable then. Call in favours if you have to. Then later deal with the selfish DH problem.

OP you talk about "my" toddler and "my" daughter. Are they not his children too?

Does he do any childcare?

Has he got any redeeming features as from reading this he doesn't seem to have.

You don't need a night out, just some 'me' time.

My DH (ex now) used to think he could just do what he wanted, when he wanted and leave everything to me. One Friday, he got back from work and as he walked in the door, I walked out of it and said 'see you about 10ish' and left him to it.

Unless you decide to do some sleep training (don't ask for advice on here about that - you'll get seriously flamed for it) and you decide to take charge (me time), nothing will change.