OLD question - being blown out?

[SilverdaleGlen]

New to the whole thing after a long marriage, met someone last week from Tinder.

I was staying over in their location, I go regularly for work, I liked them, we did "ahem" stuff, but not the full monty, I wanted to, fairly non moralistic about the whole "3rd date" malarkey.

Anyway was supposed to be in the same location yesterday, messaged to meet but he was busy, work meeting was then cancelled and set for today instead.

He had said to say if I was here for work so I did, he asked if I was staying over, I said no, he said he wanted to meet for a drink anyway before I left.

Anyway got to end of day and he's working late so no meet.

Now my question, a friend of mine says I'm too easy, I should "make them wait" to kiss etc. Make them chase me to meet. Be busy. She would have said after tonight I should have message ok, then not messaged again until he asked me.

But it's me that's travelling near him and I really CBA with games, I just want to straight up know if there is interest, or if it's a hookup (which I'm ok with, I'm not looking to get tied up again yet!).

So I sent a message saying along the lines of "sorry to hear that, work is work it's fine hope it goes well. Hope you don't mind me saying but if you don't want to meet again you can just say, honestly it's fine, I think you are lovely but I know sometimes the feeling isn't mutual x"

I genuinely AM ok with that, but she'd be kicking me right now, and I'm wondering if I am too harsh/straight forward/ negative?

Ah I don't know, I'm not into this whole dating thing!

Argh no message back now worried I've been really offensive and you lot are of no help

Anyone??

I think if you’re happy with just a hook up then you don’t need to worry about basically seeming too keen. It’s not necessarily a bad thing to send messages like that but unfortunately some people do take offence or don’t know how to be completely straight up.
I think ignore you’re after a relationship then it doesn’t hurt to hold back a bit just on the basis that if someone is too “keen” it can feel like they’re just looking for a relationship rather than genuinely liking you. In terms of making someone wait with kissing etc I’ve had a long term relationship started from sex on the first date and one from sex quite far on so it’s about what you want as I think if it’s going to work it then it will do whatever happens.

Do you think that message looks keen?

I'm not overly, I just like to know where I am as I saw someone for a few months then he dicked about being ghosting then coming back. I don't like mind reading.

Damn probably should not have said it. Oh well.

I think your message was fine - it's honest and open and you are making clear you're not into playing games. He's a fool if he can't be bothered to reply but I certainly wouldn't contact him again if you don't get a response from this last message - just move on - you sound nice and straightforward.

Totally agree with @onemorecupofcoffeefortheroad. Yours was a very reasonable message OP and you've been more than flexible so far. He should have the good grace to respond. And we're all grown-ups, if you fancy getting hot and sweaty with someone, why not just say? Nothing about what you've done comes across as remotely needy. And frankly, lots of men would love to deal with someone like you who doesn't play games. Apart from anything else, sexual chemistry is not to be sniffed at - not everybody makes you want to dive into bed with them. Move on but keep doing what you're doing

Yes your message was good. Now forget about him and move on. He's not given you enough for you to devote too much attention to him.

Onwards and upwards! :)

He's just not that into you.

I was staying over in their location, I go regularly for work, I liked them, we did "ahem" stuff, but not the full monty, I wanted to, fairly non moralistic about the whole "3rd date" malarkey.

Can you actually quantify what you mean by this? I mean if you're old enough to be having sexual activity with another adult, surely you're old enough to say what activities actually happened?

Your "friend" sounds like she fell out of the 1950s by the way.

Thank you, so I have had a reply, it's a hook up, but with meaning. No idea what that means... I'm fine with that, looks like straightforward works.

Not I could give you the blow by blow pun intended but didn't really feel it was necessary to the narrative!

a hook up with meaning!

Oh my god!

That is a deliberate mixed message if ever I heard one.

You were assertively demonstrating a boundary so he's trying to fake more than ambivalence now to keep his options open. Text him back ''mixed messages aren't my thing''

You sound out of his league. You sound intelligent and honest. He doesn't sound either! If he didn't come back with more effort I'd not be wasting much more time on him.

I think that people should be themselves. Everyone has different personalities and you'll attract people who like the way you are so no point pretending.

I like to get to know someone and have only ever slept with people I've gone on to have a relationship with. But that's me. I don't wait for a specific reason, I just don't want to have sex with someone I don't have really strong (in fact I've been in love with all of them when I've slept with them) feelings for.

That's a very good point Crichan I am who I am!

Yes to mixed messages, think it's a nope next situation.