How should I respond to this behaviour from H?

[lightthebrightone]

Things are deteriorating rapidly with H. We are married ten years with 3DC.

He is living apart from us, supposedly working (he is working but quite why he needs to be away so much is uncertain.)

I have for the first time been assertive about my feelings about the relationship and asking him to change. I have not been agressive or angry,. He is emotionally abusive, has occasionally been physically abusive, and very controlling.

He has responded in type by escalating things over text and calls and emails to the point that he is basically ending the marriage. He is also sending threats to tell family secrets, threats that he will get me sectioned for my mental health (nothing wrong with me.)

He is going to cut us off. I am a SAHM and don’t have any savings. My name along with his is on the deeds of the house but I would not get anything until we sold the house. He is self employed and hides his income.

He is going to starve me out because I have no way of finding money right now for the short term.

What should I do? I am angry with myself for choosing the wrong time to be assertive but I just couldn’t stand it anymore.

Well for a start you are now single so entitled to claim benefits. What you can claim depends on your circumstances, but will include tax credits, child benefit if you dont already get it and some form of Job Seekers (or income support if that still exists). He should pay maintenance and although it sounds like he wont, it is worth getting a claim in anyway if only if he does end up getting a paid job.

Then you need legal advice re:the house as he can legally move back in and you can stop him so you need an occupation order based on the fact that a) he is abusive and b) he has moved out.

He will hreaen o go for cusody of he kids, don worry because hey all do his. He wont get it and tbh he wont want it either, its just a tool to try and get you to back off and get back in your box. Does he see the kids much now? Do you think he will want to see them regularly?

...... he can legally move back in and you can't stop him......

Just crack on with it, like Pyong says.

Child support - CMS claim.
Tax credits - HMRC claim.
Child benefit - make sure it's in your name.
Housing benefit - LA claim.
Get your 25% council tax discount and benefit.

It sounds a lot but can all be done online or over the phone.

There is a safety net there for you

Get legal advice about the house. Claim benefits. Don’t tell him you’re getting organised, you have no obligation to let him in on your plans. Only tell him when it’s convenient for you or solicitor advised you to.

Contact your local Womens Aid to support you through the process. They are marvellous.

I'm SO glad you're leaving the evil bastard. Even if you lived in a hut it would be better than living with the vile shit (though you won't live in a hut)

You won't know yourself once he's gone! You get a lot of government support in your position. Plus you are married so you are legally in a good position. You won't get anything like you should but he's going to have to account for his finances, which should keep him busy.

throw a party when the bastard is gone - I'll come!

Keep all the texts and messages.