AIBU?

[Northernbird11]

I’m a stay at home mum and my partner gets home anywhere between 6-8pm. He’s meant to finish at 5pm but does extra work which is fine, but he never tells me when he’s coming home and then moans his tea isn’t ready or is burnt!
I text him tonight at 6pm asking what time he would be back.. no answer.. so I rang him and said “do I need to guess what time you’ll be home?” And he said he had got talking to a colleague which is “‘more important” followed by telling me I’m miserable.. I just said it would be polite to tell me what time to expect him home.
He’s always telling me I’m miserable.. I make him miserable.. to eff off back to my mums.. I don’t know what to do.

I'd dump him...that's what I'd do

Then leave. He's doesn't want to be around you clearly. He sounds like a twat it just common curtesy to let someone know when you'll be home.

Is there a back story here? How is he usually? How long have you been together.

Is be making dinner for me and the DC and he can do his own!
You can't make dinner to be ready on time with a two bloody hours window! It horrible behaviour from him and if this is a regular thing (him calling you miserable and putting you down) then consider LTB.

There isn’t a massive back story we have been together 6 years and our DS has just turned 1.
He says since becoming a SAHM I’m miserable, he’s sick of me, dreads coming home. He doesn’t see it from my side that I hardly see anyone so I don’t have much to talk about! I feel like I’m walking on eggshells as to what I say and how he will react.
It’s like in the past 2-3 months he’s just started to really dislike me!

How long have you been together?
Do you have DC together?
What's the house situation?

Well he's being utterly unreasonable vile to you, so a resounding YANBU.

I would tell him he needs to leave, as treating you like that is not something you will allow to continue. Do you rent or do you have a mortgage together?

The last time he told me to leave I did, went to my mums with DS.. started looking for a job (wouldn’t have handed my bloody notice in after maternity if I’d have known) and then he comes round asking when I’m coming home etc so thought great we can start again, then within days he’s volatile again.

Just make his tea when you want, then stick it in the mic when he gets home.
Or, ask him to text or ring when he's setting off from work.
How are you supposed to have a meal on the table, cooked properly if you have no proper time.
Next time he tells you, you're miserable. Tell him, yes, it's because I live with you!

We have a mortgage which is in both of our names (which of course he keeps repeating he will take my name off it as he can afford it without me now)

What do you get out of this relationship now?. What is in this for you really now?. Walking on eggshells is to my mind code for living in fear. Your son also deserves a better male role model for a father because his dad is treating his mum like something he stepped in.

What is the situation re the property, are you named on a mortgage or tenancy agreement?. Do you have family support, what about friends?.

He can't take your name off it! He'd need to buy your share or sell the house, etc.

If you are able to live long term with your mum then I would look to moving out and getting your equity (if there is any) out of the house. And don't go back to him! He's not going to change a thing.

Seriously, why are you putting up with this shit? I'd go back to your mum's with DC you are not getting anything from being spoken too like a piece of shit

Personally, I'd be glad you only have the one child with him and start making plans to leave. He sounds horrible.

I have 4 friends and I’m close to my mum and cousins but I only see them a couple of times a month if I’m lucky.
We have a mortgage which is equally in both of our names as I was working full time when we bought. He just keeps saying for me to move out cos he can afford it on his own and he’ll take my name off.

Get some legal advice - if the mortgage is in both names, then presumably he'd have to give you a stake in the house. Can't be as simple as just removing your name.

If your mum will have you, why don't you job hunt and look at rebuilding your life. Your DP should want to come home and see you and even if you weren't happy/bouncy, then he should want to see your child before they go to bed - surely an 8pm return means he misses DS?

He said equity I would get a grand if I’m lucky. I can go back to mums and I should be able to get a part time job etc.
Just feel a failure going back to my mums at nearly 30 with no job and a baby in tow

Yep DS goes to bed at 8-8.30 so he doesn’t get long with him. According to him I do nothing all day though so it doesn’t matter it’s always be doing the bed/bath/bottle routine.

Do not listen to his opinion about the mortgage - get the most current paperwork and get some proper financial advice.

You would not be a failure. He is! He's failing in his relationship, you're succeeding in protecting you and your child from an unpleasant relationship and making things better for yourself.

He can't just take your name off the mortgage. It doesn't work like that. Otherwise everybody who's thinking of splitting up would be able to do it. That's stupid talk. Ignore him! You're entitled to half the equity in that house!
If you split up with him, don't forget that you're entitled to half of everything!
He sounds an arse. If be making plans to leave if I was you.

So are you miserable? Do you have nothing to talk about? Would you like more contact with other people?
If yes, why not go out more? How about joining a Pilates class or similar, particularly an evening one then he will have to get back in good time to look after his DS and he will presumably be happy about this as he is the one telling you you need people/things in addition to home.
Of course you should not pander to his unceasing disrespect. I'm a sahm and if I don't know what time my DH is home he sorts his own food out.

You can get 30 mins free advice with a Solicitor if you want to confirm this fact. You get half of everything!

My friends husband ended the relationship...the court ordered he had to pay the mortgage untill the child turned 18.. so don't move out ..and don't take your name off it either

Chugalug That could be the case if the guy has an affair, walks away and abandons the family. But this idiot seems very possessive of the house. I doubt he would leave.

Don't take his word for anything about the mortgage. Get legal advice and know your rights.

Go get some legal advice. It’s best to know where you stand. You aren’t a restaurant! Expecting tea the minute he steps through the door when you don’t know what time he’s coming home is totally unreasonable. Stop cooking for him. Stop doing anything for him. If he’s so rude and disrespectful then just ignore him. Be in bed when he gets home. Don’t contact him at all during the day. Ignore any messages he sends you. If he moans then say “I’m not TGI fridays or your slave mate. When you can talk to me with respect then we can have a conversation. You’re so moany all the time. Why don’t you move out if you don’t like the way things are” then blank him and refuse to engage with him. You should stand up for yourself. In the meantime while doing this, get support from friends and family. Get informed as to your rights.