Dating your older boss

[helpmeout456]

I've currently been dating my boss secretly for the last two months.
What are your thoughts on this? he's 24 years older than me and while I think so much of him its in the back of my mind what everyone else is going to think constantly. I'm not ready to lose my family and friends if they disagree with the choices I'm making.

What would you do?

I think it’s foolish because you are risking you job and possibly career if it ends badly. He has too little ch power over your future, even to leave you need him for a reference.

My advice is to immediately start looking for a new job.

I hate to ask this, but is he married?

I did it. He wasn’t my line manager but my superior and same department. Same age gap. Same worries.
We’ve been together 11 years, married 7 and a 3 year old.

If you're both free and he doesn't make dating colleagues a habit then I see no reason not to pursue it
Have to ask though whether he has children, and if so how old are they?

Secretly from who? Just work or families as well?

I am a firm believer in the adage - only play away from home. No good will come from being in a relationship with your boss, whether he's 24 yrs, 24 months or 24 minutes older than you.

So start looking for a new job ASAP, even if you finish the relationship.
I met DP at work, and it was bad enough working on the same ward and we were not in a boss/worker situation. Get some distance from him. Then you can figure out the age difference.

I take it you hate your job and don't care what people there think of you?

He will not be able to resist subtly letting people know that he's shagging you. You'll end up looking like a silly gold digger / job hunter and he'll be patting himself on the back for having shagged a woman so much younger.

Is he married?

Don't give a damn about the age gap, but you and the people who care about you really should give a damn that he's your boss. There's a reason why most firms ban relationships between managers and those who report to them.

He is not married no, and we have spoken about the fact and he's told me that even if things didn't work out then he wouldn't want me to leave.

It's been kept a secret while I for one though about what I really wanted. I haven't done it to get a pay rise, or more benefits! I fact anything but!

He has two children and I have one child.

If he's available and you're both happy then fine. But if it looks to be getting serious and something that's gong to continue then I'd consider getting another job.

If he's not available then obviously it's a big fat no!!

How old are his children. Are they near you age wise?

Think you've had a name change slip up there OP

While I can see the attraction, I'm afraid that it would damage your credibility at work. You will never be absolutely clear whether you owe your position to your own talent and hard work, or your relationship.

In an ideal world, one of you would leave, or, if the organisation is large enough, move somewhere where outside the area of influence. If he is prepared to move away from you, then he may indeed be a keeper. What would it say about him, if he expected you to make the move? Ask him.

he's told me that even if things didn't work out then he wouldn't want me to leave

You are fool to not understand that when the relationship ends, things will be different.

This is a difficult lesson to learn. If you can learn from others' mistakes, have him write you a reference letter while he still likes you, and start looking for another job NOW.

You are concerned about what others will think. I'm a middle aged woman and I suspect that I'm closer to his age, and you are closer to my daughters' ages. I think you are fool, and I'm sad for the impact that the choices you are making right now will have on your future, even if the two of you walk off into the sunset together. You are trading off your education, your potential, and your power in the world for a sense of love and belonging. Even if you get the love and belonging, its a poor trade.

But it's not just his reaction to a break up you need to worry about. The longer the relationship continues the higher the chance someone will find out. Think 6 degrees of separation. And when colleagues find out, there will be 2 sources of irritation for them - one) that you're in a relationship with the boss and two) you kept it secret. This will follow you around in your career even if your boss is the perfect gentleman. Makes you look shifty and un-trustworthy.

I did ... he's 24 years older than me too AND he's DS's biological father

Oh dear.

Depends really. Are you 16 or 36?

In the middle of 16-36.

I see all the valid reasons. It's a small company with him actually being the owner and me being the manager. I know in my heads it's so wrong.

Did you answer if he's married?

You're both single so that's not a problem. It's perfectly normal to end up with someone who you spend so much time with and for many that's usually in work.

I wouldn't think badly of anyone dating their boss and I'm sure I could gauge for myself if they were good at their job.

The age gap is very big and whilst it may not seem that much now, in ten years time you'll still be in your prime and he'll be an old man.

I find myself in a similar situation but not quite the same op.
Found myself attracted to a client that I do regular work for. When I see him at their premises he chats for ages,he is 13 years my senior divorcee, I am recently separated.
On one hand I think,go for it, it could be great, but on the other, maybe it would be a bad move as I'd have a lot to lose if it didn't work out. Suppose it's one of life's gambles!

You are so vulnerable.

You could end up with nothing. Nothing. Just go get a different job that doesn't have anything to do with him, and then shag him / love / him whatever you want.

You are more concerned with what others think of you than you are with your own future. You seem more concerned with the situation as a moral issue rather than the way the fallout could hurt you

This is so difficult to judge without knowing him. I don't have an issue with the age gap or the fact he's your boss but, depending on what he's like, as others have said, you could be making yourself vulnerable.
One way of looking at it is to say you're only young, you're both single so why not have some fun - you don't have to marry him and you don't have to work there for ever.
Many years ago I had a relationship with the owner of the company I worked for - I was 28 and he was 17 yrs older - we had a lot of fun.
He became withdrawn and moody when I ended it but I didn't get sacked and I did my job very well and still worked closely with him. Eventually he recovered and we remained friends.
I went to his wedding a few years ago - he was marrying another young woman who worked for him - someone who started after I left - they now have two children together and are very happy.
It is manageable so long as he treats you well and you go into it with a back up plan if it does go wrong. So much of it depends on the personalities involved.