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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Something has changed, Can't put my finger on it.

7 replies

niwtd · 17/01/2018 14:28

We have been together for 18 years with no children.

My Husband has always been affectionate, he's the type to hold my hand, cuddle me on the couch if we are watching a film etc and he has always told me he loved me often, always kissed me before leaving for work etc.

About two months ago it hit me that he had not told me he loved me for so long that I honestly can't even remember the last time I heard it, also noticed he has not been close to me at all lately, as in, no cuddling at night in bed when we are going to sleep, a quick kiss when he is leaving if he remembers, the other day he got home and didn't even speak to me, when usually he would come home and kiss me, tell me about his day, ask me about mine etc this probably sounds so childish, but something has changed.

A few weeks ago I brought it up, told him he hadn't said he loved me in so long that I had noticed, he just nodded his head in agreement then didn't mention it again so I didn't push it, two weeks later still nothing.

For the first time ever I decided to look through his phone just to put my own mind at rest, and nothing at all to suggest he is seeing someone else, nothing bad in his email, facebook, whatsapp, texts etc He is never late home from work, and everything else in our marriage is normal, like it has always been, its not that I NEED to hear "I love you" 12 times a day, but I suppose what I am trying to say is you get used to someone's ways and when it changes you notice.

Am I overthinking all this?

OP posts:
MyBrilliantDisguise · 17/01/2018 14:30

No, you're not. I'd be very concerned.

Has he had mentionitis at all? Even a year or two ago?

Batteredfish · 17/01/2018 14:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

justpoppngby · 17/01/2018 14:33

Is it always this one sided though? Ie him telling and doing things for you? Because if so maybe he's fed up would like you to make the effort more.

SayWhaaat · 17/01/2018 14:34

I know you're referring to the change in the behaviour but do you tell him you love him/reach out to touch/kiss him or does he always have to do it first?

I just wonder if he could be feeling the same way about how you are with him?

0ccamsRazor · 17/01/2018 14:39

Sounds as though you both need to sit down for a nice meal and talk about things over a glass of wine?

I would be upset that he didn't engage with you properly when you mentioned that he hasn't said that he loves you recently.

Something is up Op, it could be any of a number of things, I hope that what ever it is that it comes to light and that it isn't anything too worrying.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 17/01/2018 17:12

Have you thought about telling him you love him? Kissing him? Initiating things? Sounds a bit like you expect him to do all the work to be honest.

category12 · 17/01/2018 17:14

Hmm, yes, I'd be thinking cherchez la femme.

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