Tips for heartbreak please

plotmissinginaction · 2018-01-17T11:55:08+00:00

I've had my heart broken. Own fault, I got involved with someone who I knew would never be available for me. Normally I'd go NC but I work with him once a week. The work is amazing, we work really well together but the fall out for me is pretty grim. Also dealing with jealousy as he's with someone else. I don't feel I'm coping well, keep waiting for it all to stop being so painful but it's not happening. I cry a lot and then feel pathetic for it. Doesn't help I have no one to talk to. He was my person to talk to but obviously can't talk about this! I feel very lonely right now.

Xmasballsup · 17/01/2018 12:01

why do you say you knew he would never be available for you?

hellsbellsmelons · 17/01/2018 12:04

You need to give yourself time.
Keep busy.
Get friends and family around you for support.
If they are non judgey of course.

Xmasballsup · 17/01/2018 12:15

Be the very best version of yourself you can be. Go and get your hair done, do things that give you confidence (nothing more attractive than a confident woman) develop a swagger. Don't be needy, sad or clingy when you see him. Act like you don't give a toss. When he talks to you look at your phone smiling. You will get over him. Promise.

Original poster

plotmissinginaction · 17/01/2018 12:48

Few reasons but partly I'm not the sort of person he'd choose to be with. I'm not shiney enough. We are good friends and in part I don't want him not to be I just want out of the horrible feeling of loss and rejection I'm in now. But yes, it will pass. Wish it would hurry up! Or that I had a good friend to talk it through with. I think it's highlighted how lonely I am Just now.

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Lefty1 · 17/01/2018 19:32

Did you sleep with him? If so I'd question why you selected an unavailable man , you may be self sabotaging and suffer with some low self esteem?

fia101 · 17/01/2018 19:41

Exercise, new hobby, book a holiday, eat well and sleep well. No alcohol or drugs or begging texts. Get something to occupy your time and get you tired so you sleep well. Book something to look forward to. Take a day at a time.

Original poster

plotmissinginaction · 17/01/2018 19:47

I did sleep with him yes. I am aware my self esteem is appalling. It was the first time someone had been nice to me in a very long time. Initially I wasn't sorry, it made me feel a bit better. Of course now I don't feel so good. I feel a bit better just having posted about it.

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Original poster

plotmissinginaction · 17/01/2018 19:50

I definitely won't do any texting, I feel too embarrassed for that. He's not stupid, he must know I have feelings for him and I don't want to totally humiliate myself. I just don't want to feel so sad all the time. I suppose I will just have to go through it though. I think mostly I just needed to talk to someone, it feels a bit lighter already.

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fia101 · 17/01/2018 19:58

When I had my heart broken years ago I paid to see a therapist and (this is just me) I think it made things worse. Each week talking about him and bringing up things from past - meant I never moved on. Wish I'd saved my money and joined a triathlon club

Original poster

plotmissinginaction · 17/01/2018 20:08

Yes I see what you mean, but I hadn't told anyone at all. I don't really have any friends I can go to. I think the moving on is harder because I see him about once a week. Last week I ran into him with his partner, horrible.

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user33 · 17/01/2018 20:21

It's not easy especially if you gotta see him..I'm 2.5 years down and Eventho we haven't had no contact and on and off it does get better. I decided to put my foot down the other day and ended things and it's the same raw feeling as day one.

Read forums - I found MN and Tiny Buddha helped me
Get hooked on a TV series - suits..white collar..designated survivor were my faves
Read a good book - the monk who sold his Ferrari and the kite runner were eye openers for me
As hard as it is get up and make a effort every morning..go sleep at a decent time

Every time takes time to get over..and the amount of time varies for everyone so don't put pressure on yourself. Take it everyday as it comes and at the end of everyday be thankful you made it through the day.even if it involved breaking down at some point.

Everyday is a fresh new start and your coping techniques can be different.

I deal with 10 different emotions in 1 min. I feel anger..guilt..hurt..sadness..numbness..relief..fear..happiness..excitement..anxious
Most of them are negative because I let myself stay stuck on the same ex I knew didn't deserve my love for so long..please don't make the same mistake 🌹

Give yourself a few weeks to deal with it..try different things you think will work for yourself..and feel every emotion to heal properly! Just remember I promise you it will get better! When one door closes another always opens xx

user33 · 17/01/2018 20:23

So many typos 😩 I'm sure you'll understand what I mean 😂

DianaT1969 · 18/01/2018 04:59

Is there something you can do to re-connect with old friends, or make new ones?

Original poster

plotmissinginaction · 18/01/2018 06:37

User 33 thank you, that's a really honest reply. I'm worried I'm dragging it out by staying friends but also I can't totally avoid him so it seems easier. We used to spend more time together actually but he's not allowed to now, his partner doesn't like me. Hard for me but probably for the best.

DianaT - I think you've hit the nail on the head. I need to fill that friendship gap. I don't find it easy to make close friends and haven't had one in years apart from him. I'm grieving the connection most of all.

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isthismylifenow · 18/01/2018 07:10

I think trying to keep busy will help a lot to fill the void you are feeling now. Little things like taking a walk, rearranging some furniture, maybe enrol for some sort of part time course if you can. Just to take your mind off of the situation. Its difficult yes, but you can do it. You are feeling dejected now, its normal to feel not ok. Maybe seeing him often will make things a bit more difficult, so I would just try to have a little contact as possible. Don't engage a conversation, just absorb yourself into work. One day at a time.

Ecclesiastes · 18/01/2018 07:16

Feminism.

Gacapa · 18/01/2018 13:19

Yes, Feminism.

I really believe that the Feminist boards on here, and things they signposted me to, have helped me deal with my break up last year which I honestly thought would kill me. I was that heartbroken.

Original poster

plotmissinginaction · 18/01/2018 13:35

Ha, love that answer. Interestingly enough it was one of the few things we used to disagree about.

The work is a project that just involves the two of us and so is fairly intensive in that regard so not talking etc is not an option and I really want to do that work, I love it. I just don't love the fall out. Thank you, I was really low yesterday as I had just seen him and it left me feeling pretty grim. I don't have to deal with him for another week now so I won't have to deal with it.

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pudding21 · 18/01/2018 16:42

Write things down, buy a cheap note book or try an online journal, expressing how you feel. And walk. Just walk with no distraction and observe the world around you. It helps to realise, that one person is just that, one person.

Go out with friends, keep yourself busy, start something youve always wanted to try/ do. Try see his negative traits, we all have them but we blindside ourselves when we like someone so much. Step back and observe. Hold your head high.

You got this!

pudding21 · 18/01/2018 16:42

Write things down, buy a cheap note book or try an online journal, expressing how you feel. And walk. Just walk with no distraction and observe the world around you. It helps to realise, that one person is just that, one person.

Go out with friends, keep yourself busy, start something youve always wanted to try/ do. Try see his negative traits, we all have them but we blindside ourselves when we like someone so much. Step back and observe. Hold your head high. You got this.

pudding21 · 18/01/2018 16:46

Write things down, buy a cheap note book or try an online journal, expressing how you feel. And walk. Just walk with no distraction and observe the world around you. It helps to realise, that one person is just that, one person.

Go out with friends, keep yourself busy, start something youve always wanted to try/ do. Try see his negative traits, we all have them but we blindside ourselves when we like someone so much. Step back and observe. Hold your head high. You got this.

Original poster

plotmissinginaction · 20/01/2018 12:23

Thank you, I did some writing yesterday and it was helpful. It's hard not to feel a little ashamed, like I wasn't quite good enough for him and this other person is. She is very shiny if you know what I mean, very pretty and all that. So there's jealousy too which is not a very nice thing to see in yourself but it's all a process I suppose.

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Huntinginthedark · 20/01/2018 12:39

Is this project long term or does it have an end? It's going to be very hard for you if you're still in his life in someway.
But time and maybe this might be a motivator for you to start doing other things in your life and meeting new friends and having new hobbies.
He doesn't sound like a very nice person either, I know we tend to ignore the negatives but sometimes it's good to remember when someone hasn't been kind to you. So you don't end up in that situation again.

Original poster

plotmissinginaction · 20/01/2018 14:31

It's open ended at the moment. I could try and get out of it but it's work I really want to do. I also don't want to be afraid every time I'm out that I might bump into him and we are not really speaking. It seems easier to pretend I'm fine and be friendly for the time being. His contract is up in August, maybe he'll move.

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